The Baseball Chick

(Eric Byrnes, Currently No MLB Affiliation)

The Seattle Mariners released outfielder Eric Byrnes this weekend, two days after a late-game gaffe and bizarre exit from the clubhouse on a bicycle. Seattle signed Byrnes in January after the Diamondbacks released him. He was batting .094 in 15 games, including a strike out looking on three pitches with the bases loaded Sunday.

On Friday night, he inexplicably pulled his bat back on a botched suicide squeeze. Ichiro Suzuki was tagged out on the play. Byrnes then rode this beach cruiser bicycle out the front door of the clubhouse minutes after the game ended. He made a right turn down a tunnel and then made a 90-degree left turn around the approaching Mariners GM.  Okay, I clearly would rather get a bikini wax then watch the Mariners play baseball, but according to ESPN, this is what happened:

With one out, the game tied 0-0 in the 11th inning and Ichiro Suzuki on third base, Seattle manager Don Wakamatsu called for a squeeze. Byrnes offered at the pitch but for some reason pulled his bat back and left Ichiro out to dry. Worse yet, Byrnes apparently realized his mistake and weakly attempted to bunt again after the pitch had already crossed home plate!

The whole thing was so astounding that Texas manager Ron Washington got ejected for arguing that the pitch should have been a strike because Byrnes had tried to bunt. When the umpire told him that Byrnes had pulled back the bat, Washington refused to believe him and continued to argue. He said that in all his years in baseball he had never seen anyone pull back the bat on a squeeze. He said he couldn’t even fathom it. It was impossible. So he continued arguing and was ejected.

When Eric Byrnes was in Arizona, this guy was such a jagoff blow hard that he even had “The Eric Byrnes Show” on Fox Sports Arizona.  I turned it on once to find out that he had put on a fashion show in Scottsdale for his new clothing line.  Everything looked like horrendous Ed Hardy and Affliction rip offs.  The audacity of this guy to be a glorified, good-for-nothing fourth outfielder and think that people would actually want to dress like him, or buy anything even affiliated with his name. Eric Byrnes should just get a tattoo on his face that says DOUCHEBAG.  I bet if I cut him open he would be full of nothing but water and vinegar.

Mariners third baseman Adrian Beltre was placed on the 15-day DL with an injured testicle after a ground ball took a bad hop last Wednesday night. There was some tearing and internal bleeding as Beltre doesn’t wear a cup.  Beltre came off the DL at the beginning of August following shoulder surgery.

I just can’t believe he would play third base without a cup!  The ball (meaning baseball) gets scalded to third.  While I’m not a dude, I think I did what a lot of other dudes did when hearing this news, by answering with a resounding, “WHAT?!?!?!”  I mean, geez, hypothetically speaking of course, if I didn’t need a cup because of all the steroids I had done in the past, I think I would still pretend I needed one just for appearance’s sake.  I would probably say, “Yeah, I totally need one because my balls are soooo huge,” or something to that effect.

Of course, the argument again is one of a comfortability issue.  Apparently Mark Ellis and Placido Polanco have admitted they don’t wear a protective cup either.  But come on, shouldn’t all you sissy baseball players be used to it by now?!?!?  I mean, bras are definitely irritating sometimes, but you don’t see me running around the neighborhood just flopping around now, do you??? DO YOU?!??!

The Major League Baseball trade deadline has come and gone and quite a few moves have been made in the last few days that will impact fantasy baseball teams everywhere. I will cover the trades with the greatest fantasy impact, starting with:

• The San Diego Padres traded pitcher Jack Peavy to the Chicago White Sox for lefty starter, Clayton Richard, and 3 other pitching prospects. Jake Peavy is due back sometime in September and could help the White Sox make a playoff push. Clayton Richard becomes an intriguing fantasy starter in NL-only and deeper mixed leagues with this move to the spacious Petco Park.
• The Cleveland Indians traded slugging catcher/first baseman Victor Martinez to the Boston Red Sox for major league ready pitcher Justin Masterson, promising lefty Nick Hagadone, and one other prospect. The move should not impact Martinez’s fantasy value and Masterson could find his way into the Cleveland rotation very soon. Mike Lowell will probably be the biggest loser in this deal as he stands to lose some playing time.
• The Red Sox made another move, sending recently acquired first baseman Adam LaRoche to the Atlanta Braves for first baseman Casey Kotchman. LaRoche’s fantasy value should increase as he will be the Braves’ everyday first baseman. Kotchman’s value will remain largely unchanged, but Boston seems like the winner here as Kotchman is 3 years younger and has slightly better career averages.
• The Cincinatti Reds sent 3 players, including third baseman Edwin Encarnacion, to the Toronto Blue Jays for veteran third baseman Scott Rolen. Encarnacion has the potential to deliver decent offensive numbers, but the Blue Jays will suffer a large drop in defense. If Rolen’s recent power surge is not a fluke, then he will love playing at Great American Ballpark and becomes a must-add in all NL-only leagues.
• The Los Angeles Dodgers picked up lefty reliever George Sherrill from the Baltimore Orioles for prospects. This move greatly improves the Dodgers’ tired bullpen, but greatly reduces any fantasy value Sherrill had as a closer, unless your league counts holds. Early reports are saying that Jim Johnson will get first shot at closing duties in Baltimore, as was predicted by The Baseball Chick a few days ago in the Fantasy Sports Corner.
• The Detroit Tigers traded prospects to the Seattle Mariners for left-handed starter Jarrod Washburn. Washburn may see an increase in his ERA and WHIP since he was aided by a superior Mariners outfield, but he should still be a reliable fantasy starter. The Detroit Tigers now have 3 of the top 7 starting ERAs in baseball in their rotation.
• The Oakland A’s, always active at the trade deadline, dealt second baseman Orlando Cabrera to the Minnesota Twins for a prospect.  Cabrera will immediately bat second and should prove to be a nice upgrade over Nick Punto and Brendan Harriss.  The veteran should get a nice boost in runs scored batting in front of Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau.
• Surprising buyers at the deadline, with a pair of moves, the San Francisco Giants picked up former batting champ and second baseman Freddy Sanchez from the Pittsburgh Pirates for promising pitching prospect Timothy Alderson.  The Giants also added Ryan Garko, courtesy the Cleveland Indians, to replace struggling first baseman Travis Ishikawa.  Garko should see a little more playing time in San Fran and Ishikawa could lose all of his fantasy value.  Sanchez’s value should remain about the same.
• The Chicago Cubs picked up lefty set-up man John Grabow and starter Tom Gorzelanny from the Pittsburgh Pirates for starting pitcher Kevin Hart and 2 other prospects.  Grabow will help to set-up Kevin Gregg in Chicago, leaving his fantasy value largely unchanged.  It appears Matt Capps will stay the Pirates closer for the remainder of this season.
• Finally, the Florida Marlins picked up first baseman Nick Johnson from the Washington Nationals for a prospect.  Johnson’s value may take a hit in Florida unless they decide to bench Emilio Bonafacio and move Jorge Cantu to third base, opening up regular playing time for Johnson at first.