The Baseball Chick

My last post highlighted some fantasy baseball hitters to target on the waiver wire for the 2^nd half of the 2010 Major League Baseball season. Now I wanted to spotlight some starting pitchers that are available in the majority of fantasy baseball leagues.

Edinson Volquez – SP – Reds – 6 inn, 1 win, 1.5 era, 0.83 whip, 9 k’s

Normally fantasy baseball owners can be forgiven for losing track of a pitcher that had Tommy John surgery last season and was scheduled to miss the entire first half of the 2010 season. However, we were all reminded of Volquez when he was suspended for 50 games for PEDs (that he was able to serve during his rehab, which makes me wonder why all pitchers with significant injuries don’t just do steroids to come back faster at least one time since neither they nor the team gets penalized, but I digress). Any questions about how he would come back were answered in his first start in which he looked as dominant as ever. He is sure to have some wild games, but his strikeout potential and win potential make him well worth any risk.

Randy Wells – SP –Cubs – 112.3 inn, 4 wins, 4.32 era, 1.38 whip, 88 k’s

After a tremendous rookie season in 2009, a lot of fantasy owners targeted Wells as their 3^rd or 4^th starter. These same owners quickly regretted their decision after a miserable start to 2010 and quickly cut Wells loose. In a lot of cases this would have been the smart move, but not with Wells. On the surface his numbers were horrible and maybe 2009 was just a lucky season. Looking deeper into the statistics, however, showed that Wells was just getting unlucky (really unlucky) and over his last 4 starts he has started to round back into form. There is no question his numbers will be solid the rest of the way, but the ability of the Cubs to win baseball games is another story altogether.

Vicente Padilla – SP –Dodgers – 55.7 inn, 4 wins, 4.04 era, 1.02 whip, 54 k’s

It may seem like Padilla has been around for 20 years, but he is only 32 years old and is on a very solid Dodgers team in a very weak National League West division. He is more than likely available in most leagues due to an early season groin injury, but he won’t be for long. With only 10 walks and 54 strikeouts in 55 innings, Padilla is pitching as well as he has in his entire career and is deserving of a roster spot on any fantasy baseball team.

Brandon Morrow – SP – Blue Jays – 107 inn, 6 wins, 4.71 era, 1.43 whip, 119 k’s

Just a few years ago Morrow was named the Seattle Mariners’ closer, a role in which he did very well. Morrow, however, wanted to be a starting pitcher and soon after this revelation he was injured. Now the 5^th pick in the 2006 draft has taken his talented arm to Canada to try to earn top starter money so he can pay top starter income taxes. Think of Morrow as an even wilder Volquez. If your team is in need of strikeouts, Morrow is definitely worth the risk to other categories.

R.A. Dickey – SP – Mets – 72 inn, 6 wins, 2.63 era, 1.26 whip, 51 k’s

After finding limited success as a traditional pitcher, Dickey reinvented himself as a knuckleball specialist and is now having his best season as a starter for the New York Mets. The first few wins seemed like a bit of a fluke, but R.A. has kept it going and has been doing so well that the Mets are no longer searching for another starting pitcher. There is no reason to think Dickey won’t keep winning games, just be prepared for the occasional hiccup.

J.A. Happ – SP – Phillies – 10.1 inn, 1 win, 0.00 era, 1.65 whip, 5 k’s

To continue with the theme of initialed starters, I wanted to remind everyone that Happ had a very solid season in 2009. With 12 wins and a 2.93 era, Happ had a nice breakout and was a target of many fantasy owners this year. A forearm injury sent him to the DL, however, and he has since been dropped in most leagues. Happ has begun making rehab starts and looks like he is nearing a return. Phillies’ GM Ruben Amaro has said that Happ will come back as a starter, and he should be picked up in most fantasy leagues.

Brett Cecil – SP – Blue Jays – 93 inn, 8 wins, 3.97 era, 1.16 whip, 67 k’s

Cecil got off to a great start this season and was added in quite a few fantasy baseball leagues. A difficult schedule caused a few bumps in the road and he was dropped in a lot of leagues. In his last 10 starts he has 6 wins, twice beating the Yankees. Not necessarily a strikeout pitcher, Cecil gets by with excellent command and pitching to contact. When checking the waiver wire for a solid starter, you could do a lot worse than a 3.97 era and 1.16 whip.

Brian Duensing – RP – Twins – 39 inn, 2 wins, 1.62 era, 0.95 whip, 26 k’s

You may be thinking, Duensing’s not a starter, he’s a reliever with a weird last name. All of this is true, but the Twins have a couple of starters, which I will not name in order to protect them (Nick Blackburn, Scott Baker), that are not exactly the model of consistency. So with the Twins in a heated pennant race, they may choose to move Blackburn to the pen and turn to Duensing, one of their most reliable relievers, to help bolster the rotation. If you do grab Duensing and he is not named a starter, his numbers certainly will not hurt your pitching stats (Ok? so no angry emails).

By The Fantasy Dick

The Fantasy Dick has been handpicked by The Baseball Chick to be her resident fantasy baseball expert and to dispense fantasy baseball advice to her readers. Contact The Fantasy Dick via email:  thefantasydick at yahoo.com, with any fantasy baseball questions.

Boston’s Daniel Nava hit the first pitch he saw as a big leaguer for a grand slam, leading the Red Sox to their second straight rout of the Phillies with a final score of 10-2 on Saturday.  Nava connected on a fastball from pitcher Joe Blanton in the second inning, after earlier being called up from Triple-A Pawtucket.

In a precious little side note, his folks were in the stands operating a video camera.  “It’s funny. They really hadn’t seen me play in the last two years,” Nava said. “They were in Indianapolis to watch me play on Friday and I told them I might be playing up here.”

Only four players in MLB history have hit grand slams in their first career at-bat.

According to Nava: “I wanted to treat it like I normally do.  I just said, `How are you guys doing (to umpire Bill Hohn and catcher Brian Schneider)?’ They didn’t say anything.”  As he rounded second base, it began to hit him, what he’d accomplished. Nava “started to scream. I was pumped.”

Nava got an enthusiastic greeting in the dugout, with veteran Kevin Youkilis and others pounding him on the batting helmet and pushing him to take a curtain call, which he subsequently did.

This is probably the first and last time this kid will be on my site, but I thought it was a nice enough story.  It almost warmed my cold, dead heart.

(Dumbass No. 1 To Run On Field)

(Dumbass No. 2 On Field The Following Night)

There were incidents on consecutive nights in Philadelphia during the home series against the St. Louis Cardinals this week wherein two high-IQed individuals ran onto the field while the Cardinals were at-bat.  The first was 17 years old, and the second was seven months pregnant and clearly very hungry.  Forget tasering these people, has anyone considered waterboarding?

I am certain this is a common occurrence at Phillies games, but:

A New Jersey man is facing charges after police say he intentionally vomited on an 11-year-old girl and her father in the stands during a Philadelphia Phillies baseball game.

Twenty-one-year-old Matthew Clemmens, of Cherry Hill, N.J., was arraigned Friday on charges stemming from his behavior at Wednesday night’s Phillies-Nationals game.

Police say Clemmens made himself vomit on an off-duty police captain and one of his daughters after Clemmens’ companion was kicked out of Citizens Bank Park for unruly behavior, which included cursing, spitting and spilling beer by Clemmens and a friend.

According to an account in the Philadelphia Daily News, Clemmens and his friend were asked by the 15-year-old daughter of Michael Vangelo, an off-duty Easton police captain, to stop cursing and spitting. A short while later, Vangelo said, it started again.

“One guy started spitting … first it landed on the back of my daughter’s chair. Then it landed on her hooded sweatshirt,” Vangelo said, according to the Philadelphia Daily News.

After Vangelo reported the incident to stadium officials, Clemmens’ friend was led out of the stadium. At that point, Vangelo said Clemmens said he would be sick and “put two fingers down his throat.”

He then “leaned forward and started vomiting on us,” Vangelo said, according to the Daily News.

“It was the most vile, disgusting thing I’ve ever seen. He has two fingers down his throat, he lunges forward and vomits on myself and my 11-year-old.”

Vangelo said he tried to push his children safely behind him, and Clemmens punched him in the face. Four or five fans in the next section rushed to help, Vangelo said. They held him until police arrived — someone punching Clemmens in the face as he tried to break free — and an officer was also hit with vomit, Vanore said.

“It reminds you of the type of behavior you used to hear about at the 700 level in Veterans Stadium,” Philadelphia police spokesman Lt. Frank Vanore said, according to the Daily News.

Vangelo told the Daily News he didn’t hit Clemmens because “I kept thinking, ‘If I get arrested, my kids will be alone here.’ ”

Clemmens is being held on $36,000 bail on three complaints containing 15 counts of the different offenses, including aggravated assault, and harassment. (AP)

Why can’t this country start euthanizing people?  We are over-populated in this country as is.  Wait, are we sure this wasn’t Ben Roethlisberger?  He is a fat, disgusting pig too…

(Cole Hamels, Douche Extraordinaire)

Following the Phillies’ victory on Monday night to extend the series to Game 6, Brett Myers had some choice words for Cole Hamels in the aftermath of his recent wimpy, diva-like statement concerning his exhaustion and eagerness for the end of the season.  The quick version is that Hamels whined, after failing yet again in Game 3, “I can’t wait for it to end.  It’s been mentally draining.  At year end, you just can’t wait for a fresh start.”

I could see a statement like that coming from a walking catastrophe like Jose Contreras, or from someone whose team failed miserably this year, like the Chicago Cubs, but for fuck’s sake, your team is in the World Series!  AGAIN!!!  FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW!!!

So apparently while in the clubhouse, Myers walked past Hamels’ locker and said, “What are you doing here? I thought you quit.”  Hamels is said to have responded with an expletive, the nature of which I am not aware.  Before things got to fisticuffs, with Hamels trying to make open-hand contact with Myers’ cheek and Myers yanking on Hamels’ bowl-cut, Myers was led away by a team official.

The word is that Hamels’ comments didn’t sit well with many a Phillies teammate, but I guess Myers was the only one with the balls enough to say anything about it.  Hamels tried to explain away the comments by reiterating his “love of the game” and “love [for] for city of Philadelphia,” but it seems clear to me that Hamels is just another prima donna who will take his over-sized paycheck and obscenely long off-season to go sail his humongous yacht around the world while taking baths in beluga semen, or whatever it is rich assholes do with their free time.

Even though he was the World Series and NLCS MVP last year, I think all fans can take solace in the fact that Cole Hamels is only getting more and more average over time.

Just as sure as the sky is blue, the sun rises in the east, and Tom Cruise is gay, Brad Lidge is certain to choke when it really matters.  Actually, it’s a relief because sometimes, when the world feels all topsy-turvy, I know I can look to Brad Lidge for the consistency my life lacks.  I can simply turn on the TV during the spring, summer or fall and a wave of relief will wash over me as I am assured that, yes, everything is as it should be.  Just as long as Brad Lidge is up there on the mound in the 9th inning, ripping the hearts out of fans from coast-to-coast, I know there is always a reason to smile.

Lidge said after the game, “I felt good.  I felt like it would be one of those innings that would be a good quick inning.”  Traveling out of the Never-Never Land Mr. Lidge resides in, what really happened is stated below:

[Damon] fouled off three consecutive nasty sliders. Lidge then missed with two fastballs. Then he threw two more fastballs, which Damon fouled off…. But Damon wouldn’t go away.

Damon’s single to left seemed innocent enough, but the urgency of the inning immediately was turned up when Damon broke for second on the first pitch.

Whatever the explanation, Lidge lost it. All that nasty stuff he had for the first three batters of the inning was gone. He immediately plunked Teixeira on the elbow. Alex Rodriguez then came to the plate. Second base was open — with Mariano Rivera looming in the bullpen, it didn’t really matter if the Yankees scored one or two or three runs — so Lidge could have pitched around Rodriguez. He wanted to pitch him inside. His second fastball was inside, but not far enough. Rodriguez smoked it into the left-field corner for a two-run double. (Fanhouse.com)

 As avid a National League supporter as I may be, there is something so wonderfully silly and ridiculous about the obscene amount of chances Brad Lidge has been getting.  Why is he cut so much slack?  Did he save a bunch of orphans from a building engulfed in flames?  I guess it really just goes to show how low the overall talent level is amongst Major League relief pitchers.  Even Jeff Fassero had a long MLB career!

Heidi Strobel Hamels, one classy lady and mother

Cole Hamels’ Reality Star Wife, Heidi, a former contestant on Survivor, popped out their first child last week.  She went into labor while Hamels was still on the mound in Game 2 of the NLDS.  Thankfully, his pitching was sort of lame anyways.

Apparently, Frank Coppenbarger, the Phillies’ director of team travel and clubhouse services, received a text message directly from Hamels’ wife stating: “I’m in the hospital going into labor. Could you please tell Cole as soon as he is done pitching.”  Coppenbarger kept the information to himself.

“The next inning, we pinch-hit for him,” Coppenbarger said after the game. “I went over and mentioned it to [pitching coach] Rich Dubee first. He said, ‘Just go ahead and tell him right now.’ He was sort of numb,” Coppenbarger said. (Philadelphia Inquirer)

It’s clear that the real father of this baby is Mr. Coppenbarger.  Why does she have his number?  And why else would Cole’s mood be “numb” as opposed to “overjoyed” or “jubilant” and “ecstatic”?

Sorry, I watched soap operas all Columbus Day…

The Major League Baseball regular season is winding down, which means fantasy baseball seasons are nearing their sad, miserable conclusions. If you are lacking the supreme drafting skills of yours truly, then I’m sure you have been frustrated with one or more of your high draft picks.  I simply wanted to point out ten guys that probably screwed a lot of fantasy teams in 2009.

1.  Jose Reyes – SS – New York Mets - 147 ab, .279 avg, 2 hr, 15 rbi, 11 sb

As a top three pick in most fantasy leagues, Jose Reyes had the hopes of many managers resting on his shoulders. Reyes was projected to steal 50+ bases this season while potentially improving on his power numbers in the stacked Mets lineup. However, injuries derailed these lofty hopes and in turn derailed the chances of many a fantasy baseball team unfortunate enough to draft him. Top Bust.

2.  Brad Lidge – P – Philadelphia Phillies – 25 sv, 30 op, 6.90 era, 1.77 whip

In 2008, Brad Lidge did not blow a save and finished with a 1.95 ERA and 1.23 WHIP. Fantasy owners may not have been expecting perfection, but they were not expecting eight blown saves and an ERA closer to ten than two. Some of his problems can be blamed on the knee injury, but more likely than not Lidge has just lost it. This sad sack of shit is a major headcase.  Lidge has the mental fortitude of the scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz . Additionally, this is not the first time his confidence has been severely shaken, as the mammoth blast he gave up to Albert Pujols in the playoffs a few years back began a quick downward spiral for him that many may remember. He recovered from that last year, but seems to have fallen back into the funk and I’m not so sure that he’ll be able to get out of it this time. It should be noted that I love this guy though; he makes me giggle.  Bust.

3.  David Wright – 3b – New York Mets – 426 ab, .324 avg, 8 hr, 55 rbi, 24 sb

David Wright came into the 2009 season #1 on many people’s draft boards. He combines power and speed with a high average. Whether it’s the new pitcher-friendly Citi Field or the injuries to the power bats behind him in the line-up, David Wright just does not have his power this year. With his high average draft position and due to the fact he was projected by most to hit over 30 homeruns, Wright definitely qualifies as a bust for 2009.

4. Alfonso Soriano – OF – Chicago Cubs – 459 ab, .240 avg, 19 hr, 52 rbi, 9 sb

Soriano was a mid to late first round pick in most fantasy drafts in 2009. Most projected him to hit over 30 homeruns and steal over 20 bases. He fell in some drafts due to his diminishing speed, but the power should have remained. He has never been a player to help a team average, but he has also never batted below .268 in his career. The season is not quite over yet, but it appears that Soriano will not even reach 25 homers, will struggle to steal even his tenth bag, and will finish with an average below .250.  However, his “skip-and-catch” approach in left field is in peak form and it makes him look like a pretty ballerina. Bust.

5. Chris Davis – 1b – Texas Rangers – 258 ab, .202 avg, 15 hr, 33 rbi, 0 sb

Chris Davis may have been the top “sleeper” pick (that everyone knew about) in 2009. Projected to reach 30 homers and 100 RBIs while qualifying at both corner infield spots, Davis was primed for a big year. Unfortunately, strikeouts and an early season slump knocked him off course and even landed him back in the minors. Since his early season hype bumped him way up draft boards, Davis is most definitely a bust.

6. Garrett Atkins – 3b – Colorado Rockies – 298 ab, .225 avg, 8 hr, 39 rbi, 0 sb

Garrett Atkins came into 2009 with three straight 20 plus homerun and 99 plus RBI seasons. The lowest he batted in the last three years was .286. A guy is entitled to an off year, but having less than 10 homers and 39 RBIs with a .225 batting average in only 298 at bats is just plain horrific. Yes, he had distractions such as the trade rumors and Ian Stewart breathing down his neck, but he had been the definition of consistency for three straight years. Garrett Atkins makes it hard to ever trust him again, much like every other man in my life. Bust.

7. Chris Young – OF – Arizona Diamondbacks – 315 ab, .194 avg, 7 hr, 28 rbi, 11 sb

Much like the Arizona Diamondbacks’ season, Chris Young has been a major disappointment. Many thought that this year would be his breakout year. Young has 20/20, perhaps even 30/30, potential, but he just cannot stop striking out. He is down in the minors right now killing the ball, but has not shown that he can consistently hit at the major league level. A smart manager would probably bat him fifth or sixth because his on-base skills are not those of a major league lead-off hitter.  This guy sucks. Chris Young is nothing but a bust.

8. Rick Ankiel – OF – St. Louis Cardinals – 308 ab, .234 avg, 10 hr, 34 rbi, 2 sb

Rick Ankiel was one of the best “feel-good” stories of 2008. He accomplished the rare feat of transitioning from major league pitcher to major league position player. With a big bat and a cannon for an arm, Ankiel was the talk of every ballpark he visited. However, his lack of mental toughness was the reason for his breakdown and subsequent transition. The pressure of being a major league pitcher brought about one of the worst meltdowns in MLB history. Now in his second full year as a major league hitter, he is starting to come back down to earth and we will see if he is still a mental weakling. He has battled some injuries this season, but fantasy owners who drafted him looking for power don’t want to hear the excuses.  Everyone was prepared to take a hit in average, but 10 homers in 300 at bats equals a 2009 fantasy bust.  The only thing he had going for him was his 1970s-circa policeman’s mustache, and he shaved that off too.  Therefore, he is worthless.

9. Magglio Ordonez – OF – Detroit Tigers – 351 ab, .274 avg, 7 hr, 37 rbi, 3 sb

A drop off for Magglio Ordonez was to be expected as he is now 35 years old, but after a 2008 in which he hit .317 with 21 homers and 103 RBIs, the drop off was not expected to be this severe. Mags has heated up a bit in August, but he is still three homers shy of double digits and one good month is not going to be enough to save his fantasy owners. Bottom-line, Mags is a bust.

10. Cole Hamels – P – Philadelphia Phillies – 139.1 inn, 7 wins, 4.78 era, 1.35 whip, 119 Ks

A lot of fantasy owners suspected that Cole Hamels may be a bust in 2009 because of the injury risk he presented.  After all, in the 2008 season, Hamels pitched a staggering 227 innings. Nobody considered the notion that he could be a bust while being totally healthy, but that is exactly what happened (and is happening) this season. At first the assumption was that it was simply rust following some injuries in spring training, but now it’s just silly. Cole Hamels has been consistently mediocre in 2009 and because of his high average draft position, he is a total bust.  In punishment, I think that his super-hot wife should dump his ass and take up with Cliff Lee.  Cole Hamels and his stupid mid-90s hair need a serious slump buster.

Dishonorable Mention

Jay Bruce – OF – Cincinnati Reds -  299 ab, .207 avg, 18 hr, 41 rbi, 3 sb

Alex Gordon – 3b – Kansas City Royals -  96 ab, .198 avg, 3 hr, 11 rbi, 4 sb

J.J. Hardy – SS – Milwaukee Brewers -  371 ab, .245 avg, 11 hr, 45 rbi, 0 sb

I laughed my ass off this weekend when I heard the first story about how he hurt his eye, a drop of pee came out when I heard the second and now I’m simply dumbfounded.  Varied reports have been surfacing throughout the weekend as to how this moron actually injured himself just prior to his first rehab start following hip surgery.

At first, Myers claimed he suffered the swollen eye while playing catch with his son.  Then, he ”admitted” he suffered the injury falling on his face as he got out of his truck early Saturday morning.  Now, another equally embarrassing story has emerged:

Myers and his wife Kim were involved in a verbal altercation with other patrons at a Jacksonville pub/restaurant late Friday night, according to four eye-witnesses and the St. John’s County Sheriff’s Department, but no punches were thrown and Myers did not appear to have been struck in the eye when deputies responded to the establishment.

Six eye-witnesses interviewed by the Daily News said that they saw Myers, his wife, and a small group of friends drinking at Shannon’s Irish Pub Friday night in St. John’s County, south of the immediate downtown area. It started as a normal Friday night, with Myers and his friends sitting at the bar listening to a folk/pop band play on stage. One fellow bar patron not associated with Myers’ group said he briefly exchanged pleasantries with the righthander outside the bathroom sometime before 11 p.m.

Apparently sometime after 12:30 AM, there was a scuffle near the stage where the band was playing, and Myers was not involved. After that situation settled down, however, a second altercation occurred that involved Myers’ wife. Somebody in the band then called the police because their equipment had been damaged, and according to the sheriff’s deputy on the scene, “inappropriate comments” were directed at Kim Myers.

That’s when Brett got involved, though the same sheriff’s deputy said there was no evidence that Myers had been struck.

“Nobody alleged that he hit (anyone); nobody alleged that he was hitting,” the spokesman said. “Obviously there was a lot of alcohol involved, but how much and on whose part we do not know.”

Myers maintains that he only had about three beers, which a member of the wait staff at the bar confirmed, but also said they weren’t sure what he may have ordered from anyone else involved.  (mlb.fanhouse.com)

Drama!!!  Having a Masters of Arts in Drunken Belligerency, I have to say that the latter story sounds the most plausible.  OR, perhaps it’s a combination of the stories.  I’m thinking Brett Myers and his “bad ass” wife got tanked and involved in an altercation where, as stated above, Mr. Myers was not injured.  His hillbilly ass wakes up the next morning, still drunk from the night before and then falls out of his truck like a bunch of circus folk getting out of a clown car.  Then, like the goofy-eyebrowed prick he is, blames the whole thing on his kid.  God, I hate being right all the time!