The Baseball Chick

This sort of shit rocks my world. Are you ready for some football????

Have you ever seen a dude so fucking heinous looking?!?!  I would like input on who is actually uglier than this jackass.  To me, he looks like a young John Wayne Gacy…

I guess I’m having a hard time figuring out why this disgusting, inbred-looking asshole wasn’t charged.  I think we should only look as far as the photographs Roethlisberger took with the local police following this alleged incident.  The Smoking Gun reports:

The college student who accused Ben Roethlisberger of sexually assaulting her last month in a Georgia nightclub told cops that the NFL star approached her “with his penis out of his pants” and followed her into a bathroom, where “he had sex with me” in spite of her objections.The victim’s account is included in 572 pages of Georgia Bureau of Investigation (GBI) records detailing the probe of the booze-fueled March 5 incident involving the athlete and the 20-year-old woman, both of whom had spent that evening barhopping in Milledgeville, a college town 90 miles southeast of Atlanta. The woman told police that the Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback raped her in a bathroom adjacent to the VIP section of the Capital City club.

In one of two handwritten police statements, the woman recalled that she told Roethlisberger, “No, this is not OK, and he then had sex with me. He said it was OK. He then left without saying anything.” After the woman reconnected with friends, they left the club and “went to the first police car we saw,” according to one statement.

The alleged victim, in a second statement, told investigators that she met Roethlisberger at The Velvet Elvis, a Milledgeville bar where the athlete called her and her friends “a tease.” Later, at Capital City, the football star’s bodyguards “told my friends they couldn’t pass through to get to me,” she recalled. A Milledgeville Police Department incident report indicates that the woman, whose name was redacted from investigative reports, initially told a cop that she was “sexually assaulted or sexually manipulated” by Roethlisberger.

The GBI documents, which were provided to TSG in response to an open records request, include interview reports with several of the alleged victim’s friends, all of whom are sorority sisters from Georgia College and State University.

One witness, Ann Marie Lubatti, told investigators that she saw one of Roethlisberger’s bodyguards guide the alleged victim to a side door. Lubatti said that she immediately approached another bodyguard and said, “This isn’t right. My friend is back there with Ben. She needs to come back right now.” Lubatti, who described Roethlisberger as “noticeably intoxicated,” said she was rebuffed by the bodyguard, who remarked, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

When Lubatti later spotted her friend, the alleged victim said, “We need to go now.” Lubatti said the woman told her that Roethlisberger “walked back to where she was with his penis already out of his pants. She told him that they shouldn’t be doing this and that it wasn’t right.” The woman told Lubatti that Roethlisberger had followed her into the bathroom and shut the door. “She continued to say she didn’t want to have sex, but he kept saying, “No, it’s OK.” Lubatti said that her friend told of having unprotected sex with Roethlisberger. After hearing her friend’s account, Lubatti and another woman, Nicole Biancofiore, “walked up to the first cop we saw and told them what happened.”

Biancofiore also told police about seeing her friend disappear with Roethlisberger inside the club. She recalled telling the club’s owner that her friend was “too drunk to be back there” with Roethlisberger, adding that the man assured her that “Ben would not do anything to ruin his reputation.” Biancofiore said that when her friend resurfaced, the woman was crying and “she told us he raped her.”

Witness Elizabeth Brooks told investigators of partying with Roethlisberger at Capital City, where he purchased a round of shots for women in the VIP room and announced, “All my bitches, take some shots.”

In a March 17 letter to prosecutor Fred Bright, a lawyer for the woman asked that the rape probe be dropped. “What is obvious in looking forward is that a criminal trial would be a very intrusive personal experience for a complainant in this situation, given the extraordinary media attention that would be inevitable,” wrote attorney David Walbert. “The media coverage to date, and the efforts of the media to access our client, have been unnerving, to say the least.”

To check out the whole disturbing police report, click here: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2010/0415101roethlisberger1.html

After some rumors that JaMarcus Russell was re-dedicated to his fitness and training this off-season, now reports claim that Russell reported to Raiders’ camp weighing 290 pounds.  So not only are the Raiders stuck with the dumbest quarterback in the NFL, but now they have a quarterback built like a defensive lineman.

Holy crap you retarded bitch!  Black face isn’t funny, cute or acceptable, even when Bing Crosby does it in Holiday Inn while he’s singing his ode to Abraham Lincoln!  I hope her “friends” kicked her ass shortly after this picture was taken.

(Brian Urlacher, Chicago Bears)

I was so mesmerized by the NFL Week 1 hype that I spent my entire weekend watching football games, football commentary, football predictions and Peyton Manning commercials for DirectTV, as opposed to watching all the September MLB excitement.  The big news seems to be that the Chicago Bears’ season is over, basically, before it began.  Time to pack in those hopes and dreams for another year, Bears fans!  Not only did Jay Cutler look like the retarded love child of Rex Grossman and Cade McNown, but Brian Urlacher dislocated his right wrist, requiring surgery and placing him on the sideline for the rest of the season.

What a delicate little dandelion!  I think I’m going to spend the rest of the night researching the effects of genital herpes on bone strength.  Or perhaps attempting to discover a correlation between sports-related injuries and genital herpes.  I mean, we know Brian Urlacher has herpes… After all, we all found out that Paris Hilton had herpes when her storage unit items were auctioned off following her failure to pay the amounts due on it.  Included in those items was a prescription for Valtrex, the medication used to treat genital herpes outbreaks.  We also know that Brian Urlacher and Paris Hilton had a “relationship” in 2003, shortly following his split from his wife and their meeting in Vegas.  And we all know how Paris Hilton likes to shake hands…

Just another reason to avoid STDs fellas; it could ruin a perfectly promising football season.

(Brett Favre, Cry Baby Extraordinaire)

Earlier this year, my burning, tear-inducing hate for Michael Vick consumed me.  I couldn’t wait for the beginning of the season simply in order to voice my disgust for whatever team signed him.  In preparation, I watched Dog Town on the National Geographic Channel over and over again.  (Watch it, it’ll make you sick.)  It made me mad.  My eyes began to bulge out of my head the way Mike Singletary’s used to when he was waiting for the ball to snap.  I told myself, “Be outraged for Albert Pujols!”  (The number one man in my life, my kick-ass miniature schnauzer.)

Then, like magic, the American public’s never-ending nightmare, Brett Favre, decided to bring his cry baby act back to the NFL.  Hey Brett, the NFL is for REAL MEN you pansy!  It occurred to me, if I hate Michael Vick so much because he hurt my favorite animal in the world, then Brett Favre must’ve done something pretty damn bad himself.  Then it became clear, Brett Favre violates baby sea otters.  This, as you may be aware, is the second cutest creature in the entire animal kingdom.  So way to go, Brett Favre, you baby sea otter fucker…

The 2009 NFL and Fantasy Football seasons are right around the corner, so The Baseball Chick is here with some position battles to keep an eye on this preseason:

1.  Chiefs No. 1 Running Back – Larry Johnson vs. Jamaal Charles

Coach Todd Haley has opened the Chiefs’ tailback job to competition, refusing to name a starter to open camp.  Even practice-squad back Jackie Battle is getting run with the first team.  Battle isn’t under serious consideration, but Charles is a threat to L.J. because of his receiving skills.  Haley often used a pass-heavy spread attack while coordinating in Arizona, and Charles played in a spread at the University of Texas.  If Johnson’s power and speed have returned as Haley has suggested, however, Kansas City will employ plenty of power running formations.  This is L.J.’s job to lose.

2. Cardinals No. 1 Running Back – Tim Hightower vs. Chris Wells

This battle is already beginning to take shape.  Wells is out with an ankle sprain and will likely miss the Arizona Cardinals’ exhibition opener.  Nagging, minor injuries are nothing new for the first-round pick from Ohio State, and Beanie needed these practices to convince coach Ken Whisenhunt that he could hold up as a feature back.  It’s still early and Wells’ remarkable talent (4.4 speed at 6′1/230) should take over eventually, but Hightower is the best bet to start Week 1 at this point.

3. Vikings No. 2 Wide Receiver – Sidney Rice vs. Percy Harvin vs. Bobby Wade

This is really a Rice-Harvin race.  Wade is a reliable slot guy and special teamer, but an exorbitant $2.95 million salary (and questionable mental toughness) could quietly have Mr. Excitement on the roster bubble, even after Aundrae Allison’s release.  A borderline dominant red-zone threat when healthy, Rice looks to be over his 2008 knee troubles but has been up and down early in camp.  Meanwhile, Harvin is the talk of Mankato.  Even if Rice wins the “starting” job, Harvin will be a better bet for receptions.

4. Raiders No. 1 Running Back – Justin Fargas vs. Darren McFadden

Michael Bush is involved here, but will likely end up as the No. 2 back by season’s end no matter who wins the first-team job.  Fargas is the incumbent and seeing most of the reps with Oakland’s starters early.  The staff likes his banging style and blitz-pickup skills, but McFadden is the back to own in fantasy.  If he overtakes Fargas by late August, he’ll be an even better bet for touches.

5. Buccaneers No. 1 Running Back – Earnest Graham vs. Derrick Ward

The Bucs say this will be an even rotation, but Graham and Ward’s skill sets are similar, so it isn’t like one would be an ideal “change of pace” for the other.  Tampa Bay may just wind up riding the hot hand, meaning preseason play will be key.  Ward has more experience running behind zone blocks, which the Giants often used when he was subbing for Brandon Jacobs over the last two seasons, and new Bucs coordinator Jeff Jagodzinski is installing a full-blown zone system.  Graham is the first-team back right now, but my bet is on Ward finishing 2009 with more touches.

6. Broncos No. 1 Running Back – Knowshon Moreno vs. Correll Buckhalter vs. LaMont Jordan

Longer shots Ryan Torain and fullback Peyton Hillis have been sharp early in camp, but it probably won’t be enough once Moreno gets familiar with the offense.  Buckhalter, who is 31 and was injury prone earlier in his career, has been in and out of practice with minor injuries.  That’s led to a lot of first-team work for Jordan.  Coach Josh McDaniels isn’t afraid to use a heavy committee, so Moreno needs to learn quickly to be an early-season fantasy asset.  Fantasy players may want to try and avoid this mess altogether.

 7. Giants No. 1 Wide Receiver – Steve Smith vs. Domenick Hixon vs. Hakeem Nicks

Smith may never be a “No. 1″ because he doesn’t play big enough to be a high-scoring red-zone weapon or fast enough down the field to be a true deep threat, but he is the Giants’ lone receiver assured of a starting role.  With Mario Manningham and speedy underneath guy Sinorice Moss also competing, New York has the guns to go receiver-by-committee.  Nicks will really have to come on and bypass Hixon this preseason to be an every-down player in his first year.

8. Ravens No. 1 Running Back – Willis McGahee vs. Ray Rice vs. LeRon McClain

This one looks pretty clear already.  McGahee underwent two leg surgeries this spring and Rice has gotten all the first-team carries since OTAs.  The Baltimore Ravens appear to be headed away from last year’s matchup-based three-headed monster, giving Rice a shot to emerge as a true featured carrier.  Cam Cameron says McClain is the favorite for goal-line work, but that could change if reports of Rice’s improved lower-body strength translate to short-yardage drills.

9. Vikings No. 1 Quarterback – Sage Rosenfels vs. Tarvaris Jackson

With Brett Favre out of the picture for now, Jackson and Rosenfels entered training camp on equal footing.  That changed quickly when Jackson sprained his MCL and missed four days of practice.  Four days (eight practices) might not seem like a whole lot, but showing durability was essential in Jackson’s case.  He suffered a sprained MCL last season as well has battled multiple injuries as a pro.

10. 49ers No. 1 Wide Receiver – Isaac Bruce vs. Josh Morgan vs. Michael Crabtree

Crabtree’s agents aren’t messing around and his holdout appears capable of lasting deep into the preseason or perhaps even on into Week 1.  Morgan can play all three positions (flanker, split end, slot), but the San Francisco 49ers prefer him at split end where he can run deeper routes on the weak side of the field.  Bruce has been a flanker his entire career.  It’s probably going to be Morgan and Bruce lining up with the Niners’ first team on opening day.