The Baseball Chick

Carl Crawford sustained a testicular contusion on Tuesday night when he was hit directly in the junk by a Jake Arrieta pickoff throw.  He will be out of the lineup tonight against the Orioles.  However, when he does return, Crawford will remain protective cup-less.

“I’m just not going to wear a cup,” he said Wednesday morning. “I don’t think that’s going to happen again. It had never happened in eight years, you know what I’m saying? I’ve got nothing to worry about. [I'm not going to] let that one little incident change the way I do things, especially if I’m feeling better. Just be real careful when I’m out there.”

If I was a major league pitcher, I would always direct my pickoff throws directly at the wang and balls.  It is a great way to get a really good ballplayer out of the lineup.  It’s something the rest of the AL East should keep in mind!

I’m not kidding, Carlos Zambrano is mentally ill.  He needs to be institutionalized.  And he needs to get socked really hard in the face for blaming the fact that he is shitty now on Derrek Lee.  Yeah, it’s Derrek Lee’s fault you gave up four runs in the first inning, you psychopathic jagoff.

According to a baseball rumor on TMZ, Johan Santana was accused of sexual battery that allegedly occurred on a Florida golf course.  However, the case never got noticed and went nowhere according to TMZ.

In the document, the accuser claims she and Santana were walking on the golf course when he “began to kiss her and pull up her top, unclasping her bra.” The report continues: “Johan began to pull at [the accuser's] skirt/ and attempt [sic] to place his hands into her underwear.” According to the document the alleged victim “told Johan no multiple times but Johan persisted.”  TMZ contacted Santana’s rep, who said, “Johan denied the charges and was never charged with anything.”

Santana and his accuser both agree they had sex on a golf course, that Santana’s sperm ended up on her thigh, and that she walked with him to meet his father and another friend playing tennis within thirty minutes.  But only Santana and his accuser know what really happened.  But he clearly the golf got to his head and he thought he was Tiger Woods out there.  Understandable.  But girl, can’t you wipe that semen off your thigh?!?!  Have some class.

Happy Fathers’ Day to the man who made me the hyper-opinionated, asshole-ish, drunken, easily angered, baseball-obsessed, super-cool, Napoleon-complexed, talkative, and insanely intelligent bitch I am today!!!  In celebration of the man, the myth, and the legend, my Dad and I are going on baseball and beer-related research this weekend.

Boston’s Daniel Nava hit the first pitch he saw as a big leaguer for a grand slam, leading the Red Sox to their second straight rout of the Phillies with a final score of 10-2 on Saturday.  Nava connected on a fastball from pitcher Joe Blanton in the second inning, after earlier being called up from Triple-A Pawtucket.

In a precious little side note, his folks were in the stands operating a video camera.  “It’s funny. They really hadn’t seen me play in the last two years,” Nava said. “They were in Indianapolis to watch me play on Friday and I told them I might be playing up here.”

Only four players in MLB history have hit grand slams in their first career at-bat.

According to Nava: “I wanted to treat it like I normally do.  I just said, `How are you guys doing (to umpire Bill Hohn and catcher Brian Schneider)?’ They didn’t say anything.”  As he rounded second base, it began to hit him, what he’d accomplished. Nava “started to scream. I was pumped.”

Nava got an enthusiastic greeting in the dugout, with veteran Kevin Youkilis and others pounding him on the batting helmet and pushing him to take a curtain call, which he subsequently did.

This is probably the first and last time this kid will be on my site, but I thought it was a nice enough story.  It almost warmed my cold, dead heart.

Check out former Major League second baseman Wally Backman tell off some Minor League umpire. I have a strange feeling this is my real father.

Jim Joyce, PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE. What a JACKASS!!!

Armando Galarraga was one out away from the third perfect game of 2010 and the second in less than a week, until Jim Joyce ripped it away from him.

After retiring the first 26 batters in succession, Indians shortstop Jason Donald was called safe on an ground ball to first baseman Miguel Cabrera. Replays showed that Galarraga clearly beat Donald to the bag while receiving Cabrera’s toss, but Joyce called him safe.

Despite the call, Galarraga finished with the first complete game and first shutout of his career — a one-hitter — as the Tigers beat the Indians, 3-0, in the second of three games.

But this fat tub of shit, excuse me, Jim Joyce, should never ump in the big leagues again.  I’m sorry, if you can’t even make the easy plays when they count the most, how can we trust this utter moron with any call in the MLB?!?  The umps are there to correctly call the game, not to decide it.

Worst call in Don Denkinger.  FACT.

So I guess it’s no longer “Lima Time.”

Right-handed pitcher, Jose Lima, who was a 20-game winner and an All-Star during a 13-year major league career, died Sunday. He was 37.  Lima died of an apparent heart attack, according to the Aguilas Cibaenas, a winter ball team Lima had played for in the Dominican Republic.  Lima posted his best season in 1999 when he was selected to the All-Star game as a Houston Astro.

In 13 major league seasons, he had a 5.26 ERA. He hadn’t pitched in the major leagues since a four-game stop with the New York Mets in 2006.

“He was a man full of life, without apparent physical problems and with many plans and projects on the agenda,” his wife, Dorca Astacio, told ESPNdeportes.com.

On this past Friday night, he attended a game at Dodger Stadium, where he was introduced between innings and received an ovation from the crowd.  With the Dodgers in 2004 and 2005, Lima had a record of 13-5, with a 4.07 ERA.

“He would sign autographs all the time and ask the kids, ‘What time is it?’ They would answer ‘Lima Time!’ I can see it right now.” said Guillermo Mota, now a Giants reliever. “He had so much energy. I used to play catch with him and I’d be laughing on every throw.”

So sad.  I will always remember when he dyed his hair blond.  That was so ridiculous.  My thoughts go out to his family, friends, and fans.

(Hanley Ramirez. Hey Hanley, Don't Point To God, He Doesn't Like You Either)

It’s a sad, shitty world we live in where self-aggrandizing little jerkoffs like Hanley Ramirez can continue to live, make bank, and play well only when they feel like it, while great men like Roberto Clemente die in plane crashes while on their way to help earthquake victims in Nicaragua.

Maybe Hanley should save the attitude for when he actually brings a team to the playoffs.   He sounds like he’s quickly becoming one of those players that coaches and teammates call a “cancer to the team.”  Winning teams don’t bring cancers into their clubhouses. Enjoy your career with the Marlins/Nationals/Mariners/Indians/Rangers/Royals/Pirates, buddy.

According to Sports Illustrated:

… after Ramirez failed to hustle after a ball he accidentally kicked into the left-field corner as two runners scored in a 5-1 Diamondbacks victory and then failed to apologize, Gonzalez made no excuses for Ramirez.He took a couple public potshots at his manager and one at his less talented teammates, who also are said in the past to have resisted revealing their negative feelings regarding the team’s best player. According to other Marlins people, Gonzalez was especially incensed about Ramirez’s attacks on the teammates, characterizing the situation to other people as Ramirez “throwing his teammates under the bus.”

Ramirez bolted out of the clubhouse on Monday. But the next day, in response to whether he intended to apologize for failing to hustle, Ramirez said to Marlins writers, “For what? We’ve got a lot of people dogging it after ground balls, and they don’t apologize.”

Things worsened from there, believe it or not, as he issued what seemed to be a sarcastic challenge to the rest of the team. An apology now may require a lot more time, as Ramirez appeared to suggest that his teammates are not in his league. True or not, that’s not something a good teammate should say aloud.

Playing off Gonzalez’s remark from a day earlier about the Marlins having “24 (other) guys busting their butt,” Ramirez told Marlins writers, “We’ve got 24 more guys out there. Hopefully, they can do the same things I do.”

(Ken Macha)

According to Yahoo!Sports, Ken Macha, the manager of the Milwaukee Brewers, is one of the managers on the hot seat already this season.  Seeing as the Brewers are well below .500 and have lost six in a row, I cannot say I am surprised.  However, it is a sure thing that the Brewers will be mediocre year-in and year-out.  I don’t know how it happens, since any team with Prince Fielder and Ryan Braun shouldn’t be so damn average, but they make sure they finish around third or fourth in the NL Central almost every year.  Few things are so constant.  The sky is blue, water is wet, and the Brewers don’t win.

And well, this season is no different, thanks to pitching staff second only to the Diamondbacks in overall horrendous-ness.  I fail to see why any of the pitchers below can still get work in the majors.  Trevor Hoffman has a 11.08 ERA,  LaTroy Hawkins has a 9.26 ERA and Doug Davis has a 7.56 ERA.  Willie Randolph will be the manager by the All Star break, or sooner.

Now, who the fuck is going to the store to pick me up a case of Pabst?  A six pack is not near enough to carry me through a full night of postseason hockey mayhem.