The Baseball Chick

(Very unique LeBron, seeing as Michael Jordan did that shit 15 years ago, JAGOFF)

Frankly, I went bowling instead of watching this steaming pile of bullshit, but Yahoo! Sports has made a list of the most bizarre things LeBron James during his “Decision” television special, a stunt that should result in his PR people being taken out back and shot like Old Yeller.   Courtesy of Yahoo! Sports:

• “This whole free agent experience, I’m looking forward to it.”

This was pretty much the first thing out of LeBron’s mouth, which was strange because I was under the impression that “this whole free agent experience” was ending. Maybe he’s just as anxious as I am to see where Brad Miller ends up.

• “It’s a very small number and I could probably count it on my fingers.”

LeBron’s response to Jim Gray’s inquiry in to how many people knew his decision before the TV show just came off very awkward (and also untrue, it seems). Clearly LeBron James is capable of counting as high as 10, but the way he said it sounded like he wasn’t sure.

• “The last time I changed my mind was probably in my dreams, and when I woke up this morning I knew it was the right decision.”

Lots of people get ideas when they’re sleeping. Not very many of them result in changing the landscape of a multi-billion dollar business. I guess all that fretting we did over where LeBron would end up could have been solved by him taking a nice nap the first day of free agency.

• “One thing you can’t control is you never know.”

This could be a Ringo Starr lyric.

• “I never wanted to leave Cleveland.”

Obviously none of us were privy to the negotiations between LeBron and the Cavs, but it seems like the easiest way to not leaving Cleveland is to not leave Cleveland.

• “They can have mixed emotions, of course.”

When asked how fans would react to LeBron leaving the Cavaliers, James allowed their fans to have mixed emotions, which was pretty nice of him.

• “It was a tough decision because I know how loyal I am.”

Signing a contract that is longer than any he’d signed with the Cavaliers is definite proof of his loyalty.

• “I think I was attracted to a lot of cities.”

LeBron James, like, totally thought a lot of cities were, like, super hott. He played MASH in study hall to figure out which one he should totally play for, for real.

• “When you see KG and Ray and Paul and you didn’t even understand the guys around them.”

Well yeah, it’s hard to understand Kendrick Perkins and Rajon Rondo. They never smile. Open up, fellas.

• “Put the shoe on the other foot. If the Cavs would have got rid of me at one point, would my family burn down the organization? Of course not.”

This was the biggest laugh of the night for me. I am still very happy to know that LeBron’s family would have never burned down the entire Cleveland Cavaliers organization. You have no idea how many nights I’ve stayed up worrying about that.

• “If I draw a guy and Joel Anthony is under the rim, he has to make plays.”

I guess this means Joel Anthony is coming back. And since he’s going to be a playmaker, we might as well start calling the Heat the Fantastic Four or something like that.

I can’t wait until this egomaniac needs microfracture surgery on his knee.  I have both my fingers and toes crossed.

(Delonte West, the worst friend/teammate on the planet)

LeBron James’ teammate, Delonte West, is sleeping with LeBron’s mother, Gloria James.  According to TerezOwens.com:

My source explains the following.  “My uncle is the general contractor at the Q and has been for the last 7 years.  He’s good friends with a lot of guys at the Q, including some of the bigger boys in the organization and knows Dan Gilbert personally.  My uncle has been told that Delonte has been banging Gloria James (LeBron’s Mom) for some time now.  Somehow LeBron found out before Game Four and it destroyed their chemistry and divided the team.  I am not making this up, I wish it wasn’t try but it happened.”  With Delone West’s checkered past, LeBron can be none too pleased with his teammate and good friend hanging with his Mother.

It was obvious that LeBron James was acting disengaged and distant during the games. In huddles he often looked at the ceiling or into the distance.  People have been guessing as to what the problem was, but little did anyone guess that it was one of his teammates boning his Mom!!!  The mental image is, well, disturbing to say the least.  At least LeBron has another reason to get the hell out of Cleveland.  The only people that live in Cleveland are people that hate themselves.

Not only does your baseball team blow, but apparently your entire town sucks a big fat one.  Not that it’s a big surprise…

Hey, it could be worse…at least your superstar basketball player isn’t counting the days till he moves to New York…oh wait…