Dude, call me crazy, but I think those are totally real.  I think she should have paid for the nose job first, but hell, that’s just me.

Look at the Massive Jugs On This Broad With Carlos Zambrano is a post from: The Baseball Chick - Baseball News, Updates, Fantasy Advice, Rumors & Gossip

Edinson Volquez – SP – Reds – 6 inn, 1 win, 1.5 era, 0.83 whip, 9 k’s

Normally fantasy baseball owners can be forgiven for losing track of a pitcher that had Tommy John surgery last season and was scheduled to miss the entire first half of the 2010 season. However, we were all reminded of Volquez when he was suspended for 50 games for PEDs (that he was able to serve during his rehab, which makes me wonder why all pitchers with significant injuries don’t just do steroids to come back faster at least one time since neither they nor the team gets penalized, but I digress). Any questions about how he would come back were answered in his first start in which he looked as dominant as ever. He is sure to have some wild games, but his strikeout potential and win potential make him well worth any risk.

Randy Wells – SP –Cubs – 112.3 inn, 4 wins, 4.32 era, 1.38 whip, 88 k’s

After a tremendous rookie season in 2009, a lot of fantasy owners targeted Wells as their 3^rd or 4^th starter. These same owners quickly regretted their decision after a miserable start to 2010 and quickly cut Wells loose. In a lot of cases this would have been the smart move, but not with Wells. On the surface his numbers were horrible and maybe 2009 was just a lucky season. Looking deeper into the statistics, however, showed that Wells was just getting unlucky (really unlucky) and over his last 4 starts he has started to round back into form. There is no question his numbers will be solid the rest of the way, but the ability of the Cubs to win baseball games is another story altogether.

Vicente Padilla – SP –Dodgers – 55.7 inn, 4 wins, 4.04 era, 1.02 whip, 54 k’s

It may seem like Padilla has been around for 20 years, but he is only 32 years old and is on a very solid Dodgers team in a very weak National League West division. He is more than likely available in most leagues due to an early season groin injury, but he won’t be for long. With only 10 walks and 54 strikeouts in 55 innings, Padilla is pitching as well as he has in his entire career and is deserving of a roster spot on any fantasy baseball team.

Brandon Morrow – SP – Blue Jays – 107 inn, 6 wins, 4.71 era, 1.43 whip, 119 k’s

Just a few years ago Morrow was named the Seattle Mariners’ closer, a role in which he did very well. Morrow, however, wanted to be a starting pitcher and soon after this revelation he was injured. Now the 5^th pick in the 2006 draft has taken his talented arm to Canada to try to earn top starter money so he can pay top starter income taxes. Think of Morrow as an even wilder Volquez. If your team is in need of strikeouts, Morrow is definitely worth the risk to other categories.

R.A. Dickey – SP – Mets – 72 inn, 6 wins, 2.63 era, 1.26 whip, 51 k’s

After finding limited success as a traditional pitcher, Dickey reinvented himself as a knuckleball specialist and is now having his best season as a starter for the New York Mets. The first few wins seemed like a bit of a fluke, but R.A. has kept it going and has been doing so well that the Mets are no longer searching for another starting pitcher. There is no reason to think Dickey won’t keep winning games, just be prepared for the occasional hiccup.

J.A. Happ – SP – Phillies – 10.1 inn, 1 win, 0.00 era, 1.65 whip, 5 k’s

To continue with the theme of initialed starters, I wanted to remind everyone that Happ had a very solid season in 2009. With 12 wins and a 2.93 era, Happ had a nice breakout and was a target of many fantasy owners this year. A forearm injury sent him to the DL, however, and he has since been dropped in most leagues. Happ has begun making rehab starts and looks like he is nearing a return. Phillies’ GM Ruben Amaro has said that Happ will come back as a starter, and he should be picked up in most fantasy leagues.

Brett Cecil – SP – Blue Jays – 93 inn, 8 wins, 3.97 era, 1.16 whip, 67 k’s

Cecil got off to a great start this season and was added in quite a few fantasy baseball leagues. A difficult schedule caused a few bumps in the road and he was dropped in a lot of leagues. In his last 10 starts he has 6 wins, twice beating the Yankees. Not necessarily a strikeout pitcher, Cecil gets by with excellent command and pitching to contact. When checking the waiver wire for a solid starter, you could do a lot worse than a 3.97 era and 1.16 whip.

Brian Duensing – RP – Twins – 39 inn, 2 wins, 1.62 era, 0.95 whip, 26 k’s

You may be thinking, Duensing’s not a starter, he’s a reliever with a weird last name. All of this is true, but the Twins have a couple of starters, which I will not name in order to protect them (Nick Blackburn, Scott Baker), that are not exactly the model of consistency. So with the Twins in a heated pennant race, they may choose to move Blackburn to the pen and turn to Duensing, one of their most reliable relievers, to help bolster the rotation. If you do grab Duensing and he is not named a starter, his numbers certainly will not hurt your pitching stats (Ok? so no angry emails).

By The Fantasy Dick

The Fantasy Dick has been handpicked by The Baseball Chick to be her resident fantasy baseball expert and to dispense fantasy baseball advice to her readers. Contact The Fantasy Dick via email:  thefantasydick at yahoo.com, with any fantasy baseball questions.

2nd Half Waiver Wire Targets: Starting Pitchers is a post from: The Baseball Chick - Baseball News, Updates, Fantasy Advice, Rumors & Gossip

I’m not kidding, Carlos Zambrano is mentally ill.  He needs to be institutionalized.  And he needs to get socked really hard in the face for blaming the fact that he is shitty now on Derrek Lee.  Yeah, it’s Derrek Lee’s fault you gave up four runs in the first inning, you psychopathic jagoff.

Check Out The Video of Carlos Zambrano Losing His Shit, Again is a post from: The Baseball Chick - Baseball News, Updates, Fantasy Advice, Rumors & Gossip

Gaby Sanchez – 1b – Marlins – .307 avg, 38 runs, 8 hr, 34 rbi, 3 sb

The Marlins rookie first baseman got off to a bit of a slow start but has really started to show why he was one of the organizations top prospects for the last few years. Available in most mixed fantasy leagues due to a deep first base position, he could be worth a grab if you have a weak corner infield spot or an injured starter.

Tyler Colvin – OF – Cubs – .294 avg, 22 runs, 9 hr, 23 rbi, 1 sb

The Cubs seem to be frustrated with Alfonso Soriano and the main beneficiary of this has been Colvin. Colvin has taken advantage of the extra at-bats with some consistent pop. If you have Soriano and want his platoon-mate or you are in a deep league in need of some homers, give Colvin a shot.

Justin Smoak – 1b – Rangers – .221 avg, 26 runs, 8 hr, 34 rbi, 1 sb

A lot of owners jumped on the Smoak bandwagon when he first got called up and then quickly bailed when he struggled out of the gate. The Smoak Monster wasn’t known as a power hitter in the minors but he can certainly hit for average and put up RBI’s at the major league level. He has really gotten hot lately and has a lot of protection in the Ranger’s offense. I’d grab Gaby Sanchez first, but if he’s not available you could certainly do worse than Smoak.

Pat Burrell – OF – Giants – .244 avg, 16 runs, 6 hr, 23 rbi, 0 sb

Pat Burrell may very well end up being this fantasy baseball season’s most added/dropped player by the time the year is over. Everyone knows what you get with Pat The Bat, power and a slight ding to your team average. Average is just one category, however, and with more playing time coming his way he could be a nice 2-category boost for those owners looking for homers and RBI’s for their late season push.

Brennan Boesch – OF – Tigers – .344 avg, 24 runs, 11 hr, 40 rbi, 3 sb

A virtual unknown heading into the 2010 Major League Baseball season, and even more so going into the 2010 fantasy baseball season, the 6’6″ Boesch has been quietly making a name for himself in Detroit. An injury to Carlos Guillen got him the playing time he needed and he has taken advantage in a big way. He has done so well that Guillen is now playing second base. If you have any hesitation about adding Boesch to your fantasy baseball roster, just look at the numbers, they definitely speak for themselves and have been put up in just 189 at-bats.

Mark Ellis – 2b – A’s – .278 avg, 18 runs, 2 hr, 16 rbi, 2 sb

In my opinion, Ellis has always been underrated as a fantasy contributor. Playing a shallow position, he brings some decent pop (could hit another 10 homers), above average speed (could steal another 10 bases), and consistent hitting (should finish around .280). He won’t score or drive in many runs in the yawn-inspiring A’s lineup, but in deeper leagues and some shallow leagues it would be worth the 30 seconds it takes to compare what Ellis is doing to what your current starter is putting up.

Russell Branyan – 1b – Indians – .261 avg, 24 runs, 10 hr, 24 rbi, 0 sb

If any player is going to challenge Burrell for the “most added/most dropped” title this season, it would be Branyan. No matter what your feelings are about K-rate, there is no questioning this guy’s raw power. With the potential to hit at least another 15-20 homers this season, Branyan is definitely worth a look.

Alcides Escobar – SS – Brewers – .254 avg, 29 runs, 2 hr, 21 rbi, 5 sb

It’s a bit sad to have to mention Escobar in a waiver wire article this late into the season. He was a sleeper pick for a lot of fantasy owner’s at this year’s drafts, but a slow start and a surprising lack of stolen bases have lead a lot of owners to send him back to the lumber yard. He has a couple of stolen bags in the last 10 games and his bat is heating up, so now would be the time to check and see if an impatient owner gave up on this talented rookie.

Melky Cabrera – OF – Braves – .266 avg, 25 runs, 2 hr, 20 rbi, 3 sb

Ok, I have to be honest here, I’m not a Melky fan. A popular late pick this year after he was named the starting center fielder for the Braves, The Melk Man rewarded these savvy owners by starting the season exactly how I thought he would, horribly. Nate McClouth batting .180 turned out to be a better option for the Braves and for fantasy owners. But in the last 20 games Melky is batting .328. It would have to be a deep league or NL-only league to pick him up because he doesn’t really help in any other category, but you can’t ignore a hot bat when you’re trying to make a run at a title.

Conor Jackson – 1b, OF – A’s – .256 avg, 24 runs, 1 hr, 14 rbi, 5 sb

Another sleeper at drafts this year, Co-Jack is another player sent back to the lumber yard after a dismal start to the season. A change of scenery has done him good, however, and he is batting .333 in the 10 games since being traded from the Diamondbacks to the Oakland A’s. Owned in only 3% of yahoo leagues, Jackson is only 2 years removed from a .306/.376/.446 slash line. Any team in need of percentages should give Co-Jack a look and hope he doesn’t come down with a case of Bay Area Fever.

By The Fantasy Dick

The Fantasy Dick has been handpicked by The Baseball Chick to be her resident fantasy baseball expert and to dispense fantasy baseball advice to her readers. Contact The Fantasy Dick via email:  thefantasydick at yahoo.com, with any fantasy baseball questions.

10 Fantasy Baseball Waiver Wire Targets is a post from: The Baseball Chick - Baseball News, Updates, Fantasy Advice, Rumors & Gossip

(Cole Hamels, Douche Extraordinaire)

Following the Phillies’ victory on Monday night to extend the series to Game 6, Brett Myers had some choice words for Cole Hamels in the aftermath of his recent wimpy, diva-like statement concerning his exhaustion and eagerness for the end of the season.  The quick version is that Hamels whined, after failing yet again in Game 3, “I can’t wait for it to end.  It’s been mentally draining.  At year end, you just can’t wait for a fresh start.”

I could see a statement like that coming from a walking catastrophe like Jose Contreras, or from someone whose team failed miserably this year, like the Chicago Cubs, but for fuck’s sake, your team is in the World Series!  AGAIN!!!  FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW!!!

So apparently while in the clubhouse, Myers walked past Hamels’ locker and said, “What are you doing here? I thought you quit.”  Hamels is said to have responded with an expletive, the nature of which I am not aware.  Before things got to fisticuffs, with Hamels trying to make open-hand contact with Myers’ cheek and Myers yanking on Hamels’ bowl-cut, Myers was led away by a team official.

The word is that Hamels’ comments didn’t sit well with many a Phillies teammate, but I guess Myers was the only one with the balls enough to say anything about it.  Hamels tried to explain away the comments by reiterating his “love of the game” and “love [for] for city of Philadelphia,” but it seems clear to me that Hamels is just another prima donna who will take his over-sized paycheck and obscenely long off-season to go sail his humongous yacht around the world while taking baths in beluga semen, or whatever it is rich assholes do with their free time.

Even though he was the World Series and NLCS MVP last year, I think all fans can take solace in the fact that Cole Hamels is only getting more and more average over time.

Myers Confronts Hamels Following Game 5 is a post from: The Baseball Chick - Baseball News, Updates, Fantasy Advice, Rumors & Gossip

In this past Saturday’s Arlington Heights Daily Herald, Milton Bradley responded to the question regarding whether he enjoyed this season with the Chicago Cubs as follows:

Not really.  It’s just not a positive environment.  I need a stable, healthy, enjoyable environment.  There’s too many people everywhere in your face with a microphone asking the same questions repeatedly.  Everything is just bashing you.  You got out there and you play harder than anybody on the field and never get credit for it.  It’s just negativity.

And you understand why they haven’t won in 100 years here, because it’s negative.  That’s what it is.

Jim Hendry, the Cubs’ GM, responded by suspending Bradley for the remainder of the season.  He also released a statement saying:

Recently it’s become intolerable to hear Milton talk about our great fans the way he has.  We pride ourselves on having the greatest fans in baseball, so at this time we felt it was best for him to go home for the rest of the season.

While my initial reaction is to question Mr. Hendry on his definition of the “best fans in baseball,” I will move beyond that for now.  I guess if a bunch of fat broads with no jobs sitting in the bleachers for weekday afternoon games wearing bikinis is the definition of quality baseball fans, then he has a very valid point.  However, my intention at this point is to honor the irrational rage and arrogant genius that is, Mr. Milton Obelle Bradley, Jr.  Milton Bradley, this is your life!

April 15, 1978:    Milton Obelle Bradley, Jr. is born.  His father, desirous of a “junior,” filled out the birth certificate without his wife’s permission.

May 10, 1985:    Tragedy strikes, when someone unbeknownst to the young Mr. Bradley sneaks into the family home and shits in his cereal.

1986:  Milton Bradley suffers humiliation when his classmates realize he was named after a popular board game pioneer.

1996:    Milton is drafted by the Montreal Expos.

July 19, 2000:   Milton makes his Major League debut of the Montreal Expos.

July 31, 2001:   Milton is traded to the Cleveland Indians for Zach Day.

April 11, 2002:   Right quadricep injury, day-to-day.

May 2, 2002:    Eye Contusion, 15-day DL. (misses 29 games)

August 14, 2002:    Appendicitis, 15-day DL.

April 18, 2003:   Hamstring injury, day-to-day.

April 26, 2003:   Strained right hamstring, 15-day DL.

August 15, 2003:   Back injury, 15-day DL.

August 29, 2003:   Misses 46 games to the end of the regular season (back injury).

April 2004:   Milton is abruptly traded to the Dodgers following an altercation with Indians’ manager Eric Wedge during spring training.

2004 Season:   Milton slams a plastic bottle at the feet of a fan at Dodger Stadium after someone threw it onto the field, which led to a 5 game suspension.  He also earned a 4 game suspension for tossing a bag of balls onto the field after an ejection.

April 30, 2004:   Ankle injury, day-to-day (misses 3 games).

May 31, 2004:   Ankle injury, day-to-day (misses 2 games).

August 12, 2004:   Hamstring, day-to-day (misses 1 game).

2005 Season:   Milton feuds with Jeff Kent, accusing him of being racist.  This seems to be a major catalyst in his trade from the team the following season.

June 3, 2005:   Finger injury, 15-day DL.

July 23, 2005:   Misses 47 games (finger injury).

August 23, 2005:   Knee injury, day-to-day.

August 25, 2005:   Torn left Patella Tendon, 15-day DL.

September 2, 2005:   Transferred from the 15-day DL to the 60-day DL (torn left Patella Tendon).

2006 Season:   Milton seemingly takes high doses of tranquilizers, which render him unable to publicly bitch and moan about the sorry, tragic life of a Major League baseball player.

May 7, 2006:   Right knee injury, 15-day DL.

June 6, 2006:   Misses 36 games (right knee injury).

June 20, 2006:   Shoulder injury, 15-day DL.

August 30, 2006:   Ankle injury, day-to-day (misses 1 game).

2007 Season:   Milton carries on public disagreement with A’s GM Billy Beane.  On June 21, 2007, the A’s designate him for assignment.  He is acquired by the Padres 8 days later.  They do not require him to pass a physical examination of any kind for fear he would fail it and go elsewhere.  On September 23, 2007, Milton tore his right ACL while being restrained by Padres manager Bud Black during an argument with umpire Mike Winters.  Bradley was accused of throwing a bat in another umpire’s direction during a previous at-bat.  Winters used profanity towards Milton, Milton moved towards Winters, Milton was held back by Black and then Milton fell to the ground resulting in the injury.  He missed the last week of the season as a result, and the Padres lost their lead in the division and failed to make the playoffs.

April 13, 2007:   Hamstring, day-to-day (misses 6 games).

April 23, 2007:   Hamstring, 15-day DL.

May 17, 2007:   Hamstring, day-to-day (misses 4 games).

May 23, 2007:   Hamstring, 15-day DL.

June 8, 2007:   Calf injury, 15-day DL.

July 1, 2007:   Oblique injury, 15-day DL.

August 4, 2007:   Hamstring, day-to-day (misses 4 games)

September 11, 2007:   Right oblique muscle strain, day-to-day. (misses 12 games)

September 24, 2007:   Torn ACL, sidelined indefinitely.

2008 Season:  Milton makes his first All-Star team as a DH while playing for the Texas Rangers.  However, Bradley attempts to confront a Kansas City Royals’ announcer following a game after he believes negative comments were made about him on the air.  After the Rangers’ manager and GM chase him down and stop him, Bradley returns to the clubhouse in tears.

May 1, 2008:   Hamstring, day-to-day (misses 1 game).

May 13, 2008:   Right shoulder injury, day-to-day (misses 2 games).

May 30, 2008:   Dizziness, day-to-day (misses 1 game).

June 18, 2008:   Quadricep injury, day-to-day (misses 2 games).

June 22, 2008:   Strained left quadriceps, day-to-day (misses 1 game).

July 11, 2008:    Left knee injury, day-to-day (misses 1 game).

July 30, 2008:   Quadricep injury, day-to-day (misses 5 games).

August 5, 2008:   Strained left quadriceps, day-to-day (misses 5 games).

August 16, 2008:   Illness, day-to-day (misses 2 games).

September 6, 2008:   Wrist injury, day-to-day (misses 2 games).

September 16, 2008:   Left wrist injury, day-to-day (misses 2 games).

2009 Season:  Milton signs a 3 year, $30 million deal with the Chicago Cubs.  On April 16th, Milton is suspended for 2 games for making contact with an umpire.  On June 13th, Milton throws a ball caught in left field into the stands with only 2 outs in the inning.  He is also ordered to leave the dugout by Lou Piniella after he throws a tirade following a fly out.  Piniella and Milton continue this argument in the locker room where “words” are exchanged.

April 13, 2009:  Groin injury (misses 2 games).

April 17, 2009:  Groin injury (misses 1 game).

April 23, 2009:  Groin injury (misses 1 game).

April 25, 2009:  Groin injury (misses 2 games).

June 3, 2009:  Calf injury (misses 2 games).

August 14, 2009:  Hip injury (misses 1 game).

September 9, 2009:  Leg injury (misses 1 game).

This leads us to September 20, 2009, and his suspension for the remainder of the year.  No one can ever say that Milton Bradley is inconsistent.  He consistently is moved from team to team, while generally having decent production, an obscene amount of injuries, and a severe behavioral disorder.

Milton Bradley: A Retrospective is a post from: The Baseball Chick - Baseball News, Updates, Fantasy Advice, Rumors & Gossip