The Baseball Chick

(Cole Hamels, Douche Extraordinaire)

Following the Phillies’ victory on Monday night to extend the series to Game 6, Brett Myers had some choice words for Cole Hamels in the aftermath of his recent wimpy, diva-like statement concerning his exhaustion and eagerness for the end of the season.  The quick version is that Hamels whined, after failing yet again in Game 3, “I can’t wait for it to end.  It’s been mentally draining.  At year end, you just can’t wait for a fresh start.”

I could see a statement like that coming from a walking catastrophe like Jose Contreras, or from someone whose team failed miserably this year, like the Chicago Cubs, but for fuck’s sake, your team is in the World Series!  AGAIN!!!  FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW!!!

So apparently while in the clubhouse, Myers walked past Hamels’ locker and said, “What are you doing here? I thought you quit.”  Hamels is said to have responded with an expletive, the nature of which I am not aware.  Before things got to fisticuffs, with Hamels trying to make open-hand contact with Myers’ cheek and Myers yanking on Hamels’ bowl-cut, Myers was led away by a team official.

The word is that Hamels’ comments didn’t sit well with many a Phillies teammate, but I guess Myers was the only one with the balls enough to say anything about it.  Hamels tried to explain away the comments by reiterating his “love of the game” and “love [for] for city of Philadelphia,” but it seems clear to me that Hamels is just another prima donna who will take his over-sized paycheck and obscenely long off-season to go sail his humongous yacht around the world while taking baths in beluga semen, or whatever it is rich assholes do with their free time.

Even though he was the World Series and NLCS MVP last year, I think all fans can take solace in the fact that Cole Hamels is only getting more and more average over time.

I laughed my ass off this weekend when I heard the first story about how he hurt his eye, a drop of pee came out when I heard the second and now I’m simply dumbfounded.  Varied reports have been surfacing throughout the weekend as to how this moron actually injured himself just prior to his first rehab start following hip surgery.

At first, Myers claimed he suffered the swollen eye while playing catch with his son.  Then, he ”admitted” he suffered the injury falling on his face as he got out of his truck early Saturday morning.  Now, another equally embarrassing story has emerged:

Myers and his wife Kim were involved in a verbal altercation with other patrons at a Jacksonville pub/restaurant late Friday night, according to four eye-witnesses and the St. John’s County Sheriff’s Department, but no punches were thrown and Myers did not appear to have been struck in the eye when deputies responded to the establishment.

Six eye-witnesses interviewed by the Daily News said that they saw Myers, his wife, and a small group of friends drinking at Shannon’s Irish Pub Friday night in St. John’s County, south of the immediate downtown area. It started as a normal Friday night, with Myers and his friends sitting at the bar listening to a folk/pop band play on stage. One fellow bar patron not associated with Myers’ group said he briefly exchanged pleasantries with the righthander outside the bathroom sometime before 11 p.m.

Apparently sometime after 12:30 AM, there was a scuffle near the stage where the band was playing, and Myers was not involved. After that situation settled down, however, a second altercation occurred that involved Myers’ wife. Somebody in the band then called the police because their equipment had been damaged, and according to the sheriff’s deputy on the scene, “inappropriate comments” were directed at Kim Myers.

That’s when Brett got involved, though the same sheriff’s deputy said there was no evidence that Myers had been struck.

“Nobody alleged that he hit (anyone); nobody alleged that he was hitting,” the spokesman said. “Obviously there was a lot of alcohol involved, but how much and on whose part we do not know.”

Myers maintains that he only had about three beers, which a member of the wait staff at the bar confirmed, but also said they weren’t sure what he may have ordered from anyone else involved.  (mlb.fanhouse.com)

Drama!!!  Having a Masters of Arts in Drunken Belligerency, I have to say that the latter story sounds the most plausible.  OR, perhaps it’s a combination of the stories.  I’m thinking Brett Myers and his “bad ass” wife got tanked and involved in an altercation where, as stated above, Mr. Myers was not injured.  His hillbilly ass wakes up the next morning, still drunk from the night before and then falls out of his truck like a bunch of circus folk getting out of a clown car.  Then, like the goofy-eyebrowed prick he is, blames the whole thing on his kid.  God, I hate being right all the time!