The Baseball Chick

Oh yeah, that’s right, they don’t have to do any homework: they’re college athletes!  This is actually pretty damn funny.  Apparently the Florida Atlantic and Western Kentucky  baseball players have a lot of time on their hands, so much so that they have devised some very entertaining ways to keep themselves occupied during extended rain delays.

Since Mark McGwire is coming back to baseball this year as the new hitting coach for the St. Louis Cardinals, it is clear he wanted to get something of his voluptuous steroid-induced man-tittays.

According to Mr. McGwire’s own admission, he used steroids on and off throughout the 90s, including during his record-breaking home run season.  I haven’t been this shocked since I found out Freddie Mercury was gay.

“It’s time for me to talk about the past and to confirm what people have suspected. I used steroids during my playing career and I apologize,” McGwire said in a statement released through the Cardinals. “I wish I had never touched steroids. It was a mistake. I truly apologize. Looking back, I wish I had never played during the steroids era.”

Of course this will be of minor benefit to the St. Louis Cardinals, as McGwire’s continued silence would have made it difficult for him to work productively with Holliday and the other Cardinals hitters without heavy skepticism.

McGwire somewhat defended himself by stating that his usage came with the desire to recover quickly from injuries and not as a means of cheating.  That’s crazy, because I could have sworn he did all those ‘roids because he hated having testicles.  I know I would.

Not only did Albert Pujols go 3-5 tonight in the Cardinals’ 6-4 victory over the Pirates, but then in the 7th inning he saved an old man’s life just for kicks.

He then wiped the sweat from his brow, touched the kid in the first row and he magically didn’t have downs syndrome anymore.  After the game, he turned the clubhouse Gatorade into wine.  His will be done.  Amen.

The Major League Baseball trade deadline has come and gone and quite a few moves have been made in the last few days that will impact fantasy baseball teams everywhere. I will cover the trades with the greatest fantasy impact, starting with:

• The San Diego Padres traded pitcher Jack Peavy to the Chicago White Sox for lefty starter, Clayton Richard, and 3 other pitching prospects. Jake Peavy is due back sometime in September and could help the White Sox make a playoff push. Clayton Richard becomes an intriguing fantasy starter in NL-only and deeper mixed leagues with this move to the spacious Petco Park.
• The Cleveland Indians traded slugging catcher/first baseman Victor Martinez to the Boston Red Sox for major league ready pitcher Justin Masterson, promising lefty Nick Hagadone, and one other prospect. The move should not impact Martinez’s fantasy value and Masterson could find his way into the Cleveland rotation very soon. Mike Lowell will probably be the biggest loser in this deal as he stands to lose some playing time.
• The Red Sox made another move, sending recently acquired first baseman Adam LaRoche to the Atlanta Braves for first baseman Casey Kotchman. LaRoche’s fantasy value should increase as he will be the Braves’ everyday first baseman. Kotchman’s value will remain largely unchanged, but Boston seems like the winner here as Kotchman is 3 years younger and has slightly better career averages.
• The Cincinatti Reds sent 3 players, including third baseman Edwin Encarnacion, to the Toronto Blue Jays for veteran third baseman Scott Rolen. Encarnacion has the potential to deliver decent offensive numbers, but the Blue Jays will suffer a large drop in defense. If Rolen’s recent power surge is not a fluke, then he will love playing at Great American Ballpark and becomes a must-add in all NL-only leagues.
• The Los Angeles Dodgers picked up lefty reliever George Sherrill from the Baltimore Orioles for prospects. This move greatly improves the Dodgers’ tired bullpen, but greatly reduces any fantasy value Sherrill had as a closer, unless your league counts holds. Early reports are saying that Jim Johnson will get first shot at closing duties in Baltimore, as was predicted by The Baseball Chick a few days ago in the Fantasy Sports Corner.
• The Detroit Tigers traded prospects to the Seattle Mariners for left-handed starter Jarrod Washburn. Washburn may see an increase in his ERA and WHIP since he was aided by a superior Mariners outfield, but he should still be a reliable fantasy starter. The Detroit Tigers now have 3 of the top 7 starting ERAs in baseball in their rotation.
• The Oakland A’s, always active at the trade deadline, dealt second baseman Orlando Cabrera to the Minnesota Twins for a prospect.  Cabrera will immediately bat second and should prove to be a nice upgrade over Nick Punto and Brendan Harriss.  The veteran should get a nice boost in runs scored batting in front of Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau.
• Surprising buyers at the deadline, with a pair of moves, the San Francisco Giants picked up former batting champ and second baseman Freddy Sanchez from the Pittsburgh Pirates for promising pitching prospect Timothy Alderson.  The Giants also added Ryan Garko, courtesy the Cleveland Indians, to replace struggling first baseman Travis Ishikawa.  Garko should see a little more playing time in San Fran and Ishikawa could lose all of his fantasy value.  Sanchez’s value should remain about the same.
• The Chicago Cubs picked up lefty set-up man John Grabow and starter Tom Gorzelanny from the Pittsburgh Pirates for starting pitcher Kevin Hart and 2 other prospects.  Grabow will help to set-up Kevin Gregg in Chicago, leaving his fantasy value largely unchanged.  It appears Matt Capps will stay the Pirates closer for the remainder of this season.
• Finally, the Florida Marlins picked up first baseman Nick Johnson from the Washington Nationals for a prospect.  Johnson’s value may take a hit in Florida unless they decide to bench Emilio Bonafacio and move Jorge Cantu to third base, opening up regular playing time for Johnson at first.

Not only does your baseball team blow, but apparently your entire town sucks a big fat one.  Not that it’s a big surprise…

Hey, it could be worse…at least your superstar basketball player isn’t counting the days till he moves to New York…oh wait…

Today, Blue Jays GM J.P. Ricciardi informed the media that the likelihood of a deal for Roy Halladay was “very slim.”  According to Ricciardi:

“We’ve said that we would listen, but that we would have to be motivated and wowed.  Right now we haven’t been.  I’ve said all along my gut tells me I won’t be.  I still stand by that.”

Earlier today, it was reported that the Blue Jays rejected the Phillies’ trade offer of J.A. Happ, Michael Taylor, Carlos Carrasco and Jason Donald.  The Jays apparently want the promising pitcher Kyle Drabek to be part of the deal.

It sounds like a lot of people are getting “sticker shock” regarding the Jays high asking price for Halladay.  But this isn’t my first rodeo and I think 1) the statement was all posturing by Ricciardi and 2) some team is going to realize that a healthy Halladay could mean the difference between going to the playoffs or spending October at home.  That team will eventually offer up the goods.  He should definitely miss those awesome baby blue uniforms though…

Well, I give it 4 weeks until he’s dealt to a real team.  I mean, let’s face it, the Pirates have turned themselves into simply another farm team for major league baseball teams.

Well besides the fact that he likes ponies and long walks on the beach, he was drafted in the 14th round by the Atlanta Braves all the way back in 1999.  After being released by the Braves, he spent the last 3 years with the Twins’ AAA affiliate.  Jones was signed by the Pirates after last season, didn’t make the opening day roster and was called up on June 30th.  He batted .307 at AAA Indianapolis with 12 HRs and 49 RBIs in 72 games.

Since then?  He’s already hit 10 homeruns, his OBP is .402, his average is .350, his OPS is 1.227 and he is slugging .825.  Additionally, he has 3 stolen bases.

The major question is whether this guy is the real deal.  After all, he’s already 28, which is a bit old for the typical promising major leaguer to make it up to the show.  It’s also a shame that he’s so freaking ugly.

I couldn’t post this on Friday when the trade actually happened because I was temporarily rendered comatose by the thought of what Matt Holliday can do batting behind Albert Pujols and what Albert Pujols can do batting in front of Matt Holliday.

Whew!  I almost just blacked out again.  It’s shocking and actually a bit nauseating, just like when you find out you’ve been living in the matrix.

Anyways, the A’s acquired third baseman Brett Wallace, righthanded starter Clay Mortensen and outfielder Shane Peterson in the deal for Holliday.  Holliday hit .286 with 11 homers and 54 RBI for Oakland this season.  Interestingly, Holliday had eliminated his high leg kick during off-season training with Mark McGwire; however, he had returned to his old plate technique in his last month with the A’s.  Not surprisingly, it was also his most productive month.

Lance Berkman is on the 15-day DL with a strained left calf.  According to Ed Wade, the Astros GM, “We are in agreement that keeping Lance active will only put him in a position of wanting to help the club and re-aggravating the injury.  I also spoke to Lance, and he understands. It’s not easy to disable one of your key guys, but we want him strong for the stretch drive, so it’s the right move.”

It was clear something was wrong on Tuesday night when he stretched a hit of his into a double, grimaced half way between first and second, and then sort of limped into second.  But that’s good, because apparently someone forgot to tell the Houston Assholes they were supposed to stink this year.  Maybe now they will play to everyone’s lower than low expectations. 

Hey Astros, that’s enough already!

Who shit in this guy’s cereal? Earlier this month, it has been reported that the Mets’ VP of Player Development, Tony Bernazard, challenged players on the Double-A affiliate to a fight during a postgame tirade. This story writes itself:

“The New York Daily News, citing unidentified sources, reported Wednesday that Bernazard, while visiting the Binghamton Mets early this month, removed his shirt during a clubhouse meeting with players, then challenged them to fisticuffs. Bernazard reportedly directed much of his anger at infielder Jose Coronado, the newspaper said.” (NBC Sports)

Both the Mets’ AAA and AA affiliates are pretty awful this season, having the worst and second worst records in their Leagues, respectfully, so this guy is obviously worried about losing more than his cool. It is pretty clear that the Mets lack a deep farm system.

All I know is that I wish Tony was my boyfriend. I love it when guys take off their shirts before they fight. It reminds me of hanging out at the frat houses on a Thursday night. Ahhh… When I picture it, in my dreams tonight, he will have chest hair up to his throat and 3 gold chains. Dreamy…