The Baseball Chick

It is rumored that Curtis Granderson is on his way to the Yankees in a three-team deal that would also involve pitchers Edwin Jackson and Ian Kennedy going to Arizona.  In return, exciting young pitchers Daniel Schlereth and Max Scherzer would be sent to the Tigers.  What all this means for Johnny Damon’s and Melky Cabrera’s days in New York is still an open question.

My first impression is that this deal is a big “thumbs up” for both the Yankees and the Tigers.  However, I think I would even have a hard time dealing Jackson and Kennedy for Scherzer and Schlereth in my fantasy league this upcoming season.  I mean, Jackson did well last season, but I got him nearly at the end of my draft when some other morons were trying to choose between J.R. Towles and Josh Bard.  Get it?  Total fluke.

BREAKING NEWS:  According to thedirty.com, which I find to have very reliable news, oftentimes before anyone else picks up on it, Elin Nordegren Woods tried to beat the living jesus out of her husband, Tiger Woods, because he knocked up one of his many mistresses!!!  Not only was is Tiger unbelievably indiscreet, but he also must have an allergy to latex.  And besides these chicks looking unbelievably whorish, they must also be too brain dead to take a stupid pill.

Well, I hope he has syphilis.

(Rachel Uchitel, Whore Deluxe)

Yes, the body is fairly bangin’, but let’s please take a gander at the cosmetic-surgery fiasco that is this “lady’s” face.  She even comes complete with the post-eye lift wonky eye, a la Paris Hilton!  I’m putting “lady” in quotes here simply because there is the distinct and not-too-subtle hint of drag queen in this “chick’s” face.  To anyone that thinks otherwise, I have some good news for you: you may be a dude that’s had sex with another dude and not known it.  More than once.

To be fair, the “chick” in question, Rachel Uchitel, is denying the affair, as well as the rumors of texting, etc.  But this is also the same chick that has recently been accused of having an affair with a married David Boreanaz (lead dude from Bones and Angel) while his wife was pregnant.  So either this chick is name-dropping something fierce in order to become famous not caring whose lives she ruins in the process or she is really into bangin’ married celebrities.  Neither scenario makes her anything more than an overpriced dolled-up prostitute.

Makes me yearn for the days when we took skanks like this, accused them of practicing witchcraft and then burned them alive (also known as “The Good Ol’ Days”).

(Cole Hamels, Douche Extraordinaire)

Following the Phillies’ victory on Monday night to extend the series to Game 6, Brett Myers had some choice words for Cole Hamels in the aftermath of his recent wimpy, diva-like statement concerning his exhaustion and eagerness for the end of the season.  The quick version is that Hamels whined, after failing yet again in Game 3, “I can’t wait for it to end.  It’s been mentally draining.  At year end, you just can’t wait for a fresh start.”

I could see a statement like that coming from a walking catastrophe like Jose Contreras, or from someone whose team failed miserably this year, like the Chicago Cubs, but for fuck’s sake, your team is in the World Series!  AGAIN!!!  FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW!!!

So apparently while in the clubhouse, Myers walked past Hamels’ locker and said, “What are you doing here? I thought you quit.”  Hamels is said to have responded with an expletive, the nature of which I am not aware.  Before things got to fisticuffs, with Hamels trying to make open-hand contact with Myers’ cheek and Myers yanking on Hamels’ bowl-cut, Myers was led away by a team official.

The word is that Hamels’ comments didn’t sit well with many a Phillies teammate, but I guess Myers was the only one with the balls enough to say anything about it.  Hamels tried to explain away the comments by reiterating his “love of the game” and “love [for] for city of Philadelphia,” but it seems clear to me that Hamels is just another prima donna who will take his over-sized paycheck and obscenely long off-season to go sail his humongous yacht around the world while taking baths in beluga semen, or whatever it is rich assholes do with their free time.

Even though he was the World Series and NLCS MVP last year, I think all fans can take solace in the fact that Cole Hamels is only getting more and more average over time.

Holy crap you retarded bitch!  Black face isn’t funny, cute or acceptable, even when Bing Crosby does it in Holiday Inn while he’s singing his ode to Abraham Lincoln!  I hope her “friends” kicked her ass shortly after this picture was taken.

Just as sure as the sky is blue, the sun rises in the east, and Tom Cruise is gay, Brad Lidge is certain to choke when it really matters.  Actually, it’s a relief because sometimes, when the world feels all topsy-turvy, I know I can look to Brad Lidge for the consistency my life lacks.  I can simply turn on the TV during the spring, summer or fall and a wave of relief will wash over me as I am assured that, yes, everything is as it should be.  Just as long as Brad Lidge is up there on the mound in the 9th inning, ripping the hearts out of fans from coast-to-coast, I know there is always a reason to smile.

Lidge said after the game, “I felt good.  I felt like it would be one of those innings that would be a good quick inning.”  Traveling out of the Never-Never Land Mr. Lidge resides in, what really happened is stated below:

[Damon] fouled off three consecutive nasty sliders. Lidge then missed with two fastballs. Then he threw two more fastballs, which Damon fouled off…. But Damon wouldn’t go away.

Damon’s single to left seemed innocent enough, but the urgency of the inning immediately was turned up when Damon broke for second on the first pitch.

Whatever the explanation, Lidge lost it. All that nasty stuff he had for the first three batters of the inning was gone. He immediately plunked Teixeira on the elbow. Alex Rodriguez then came to the plate. Second base was open — with Mariano Rivera looming in the bullpen, it didn’t really matter if the Yankees scored one or two or three runs — so Lidge could have pitched around Rodriguez. He wanted to pitch him inside. His second fastball was inside, but not far enough. Rodriguez smoked it into the left-field corner for a two-run double. (Fanhouse.com)

 As avid a National League supporter as I may be, there is something so wonderfully silly and ridiculous about the obscene amount of chances Brad Lidge has been getting.  Why is he cut so much slack?  Did he save a bunch of orphans from a building engulfed in flames?  I guess it really just goes to show how low the overall talent level is amongst Major League relief pitchers.  Even Jeff Fassero had a long MLB career!