Called by federal prosecutors to the witness stand in Bonds’ perjury trial, she testified that Bonds’ sexual performance declined in the later years of their relationship.  She also said that his testicles changed shape and shrank…Another side effect of steroid use.  Bell also testified that Bonds grew and shaved chest hair and developed acne on his back…

The technical term for that is “backne.” I just can’t wait to see who federal prosecutors call next. Are they going to call his teammates from the 80s who saw him naked in the locker room in order to testify as to his formerly massive package? Is the jury going to get the luxury of visuals, such as before-and-after photographic comparisons documenting this wiener change?  But I digress…

Wednesday’s testimony came primarily from current and former employees of UCLA’s Olympic Lab, which tested a urine sample from Bonds obtained during baseball’s 2003 testing program, and which tested positive for “the clear.” Prosecutors have now indicated they only have three witnesses left: Kathy Hoskins, Bonds’ former personal shopper; Dr. Arthur Ting, the slugger’s former orthopedic surgeon; and Don Catlin, a renowned anti-doping expert who tested a 2003 drug sample from Bonds.  Prosecutors have declined to call Bobby Estalella, a Giant during the 2000 and 2001 seasons who presumably would have testified to occasions when Bonds told him about using performance enhancing drugs, former Giants Benito Santiago and Armando Rios, and former Balco VP James Valente.

Bonds faces four counts of perjury and one count of obstructing justice for lying to a federal grand jury about steroid use.

Barry Bonds Trial Update is a post from: The Baseball Chick - Baseball News, Updates, Fantasy Advice, Rumors & Gossip

Anyways, I attended the Diamondbacks/Rangers spring training game last weekend and I have some interesting news to report from the brand spanking new Salt River Fields.

1) Sneak your own fucking liquor into the game. I stood in line from the 3rd to the 6th inning waiting for a fucking Miller Lite, which almost tastes as good as committing suicide.

2) Ladies, bring your douchebag repellent. When the Dbacks won the game in the bottom of the 9th, I didn’t know whether to stand up and cheer, or start fist pumpin’ because, you know, I had to fight the beat back. Me and my friend listened to 4 alleged “men” standing near the Rangers bullpen discuss whether some chick standing behind us would be hot if she dropped 10 pounds, and then debate for 15 minutes as to whether that 10 pounds was just water weight…. True story.

3) My friend thinks Matt Treanor is super hot.  And honestly, she puts Misty May to shame, so he probably should have gone for it.

4) The Rangers catchers in the bullpen have heated rock-paper-scissors battles to determine who will catch the next warm-up session.

In conclusion, I hope this helps my readers when it comes time to draft your fantasy teams!

My Cactus League Spring Training Scouting Report is a post from: The Baseball Chick - Baseball News, Updates, Fantasy Advice, Rumors & Gossip

Many have defended or straight out encouraged the idea, citing the 16 team playoff format utilized by the NBA and the 12 team playoff format in the NFL.  But quite frankly, how absolutely pathetic do you feel even tuning in to the 1 seed versus 8 seed series in Round One of the NBA Playoffs? No one should want to reward a .500 Indiana Pacers team with a playoff berth.  It’s plain retarded.  It seems to take an entire MONTH of NBA playoff action to even get into the meat of the competition between quality teams. If the MLB went NBA on everyone’s asses, do you know who we would have had to endure in the playoffs this year? The motherfucking Florida Marlins and Detroit Tigers!!!  And for what, so we can reward the 12 loyal fans of the Florida Marlins who survived their team’s truly mediocre season? I’ll tell you what, if the Marlins really want to be a perennial fixture in the postseason, perhaps they should stop having fire sales following every one of their World Series appearances.  Even my beloved St. Louis Cardinals would have made the playoffs under the proposed new playoff format. But did the underperforming Cardinals deserve to be in the 2010 playoffs? Sadly, no.   And I quite like seeing the best-of-the-best face off starting on day one of the playoffs.

If we are going to let so many damn teams into the thing to begin with, why even have a grueling 162-game schedule? Let’s just play April, get a sense of things, and then start the playoffs in the first week of May.  Or we can change baseball completely and just have the entire season be one big tournament with every team invited to participate until one team is left standing.

But I have to go catch a flight to Milwaukee now because I have a date with an upper decker in Bud Selig’s master bathroom.

MLB to Change Playoff Format? is a post from: The Baseball Chick - Baseball News, Updates, Fantasy Advice, Rumors & Gossip

Moving on.  We have quite a cute little pitching battle to look forward to.  Game 1 is the marquee matchup between pitching superstars Tim Lincecum and Cliff Lee.  Cliff Lee’s 2010 postseason numbers have been off the chain.  Lee is 7-0 with a 1.26 ERA the past two years in the postseason, and has struck out 34 and walked 1. Lee also threw a complete game in Game 5 of the ALDS. He has a 0.75 ERA this postseason, while pitching a total of 24 innings in 3 games, and an impressive 3.18 ERA cumulative for the entire 2010 season.  Pitching for the Giants on Wednesday night, Tim Lincecum has a career 3.04 ERA and a 2010 postseason ERA of 1.93.  However, Lee’s stuff this postseason has been pretty nasty in the best way.  He made an impressive and powerful Phillies’ lineup look like the Pittsburgh Pirates.  All pitching well this postseason, Matt Cain has had a 0.00 ERA this postseason, Colby Lewis a 1.45, Jonathan Sanchez a 2.93 and C.J. Wilson a 3.93.  Needless to say, tough pitching is going to be on exhibition from both sides during the 2010 World Series.

The Giants seem to have the better bullpen, and certainly some of these games will be tight in the later innings.  In terms of closers, Neftali Feliz has been pretty damn good, but is virtually untested in postseason play.  However, Brian Wilson, freaky beard and all, has done the job in sticky situations this postseason, and has gotten the big out when absolutely necessary.  Unfortunately, he’s caused some ulcers in his 9^th inning appearances this postseason.  Wilson needs to have better command of his stuff, and cannot fall behind as often as he did against Philadelphia.  Ultimately, his backdoor cutter is going to have to be on-point against the powerful Texas Rangers, who are often looking to demolish a fastball mistake.

But ultimately, this World Series will come down to offense and the big bats of the Rangers.  There is no doubt in my mind that this will become a battle between San Francisco’s ace pitching staff and the Rangers’ stacked lineup.  And quite frankly, once Cody Ross cools down (history and his career dictate that he most certainly will), what potency do the San Francisco Giants really have offensively? They have offensive talent sprinkled throughout their lineup, including the phenomenal Buster Posey, but the Giants lineup top to bottom is simply not intimidating… at all.  Cumulative, the Giants had a .257 batting average this season.  Meanwhile, the Rangers have big-time bats like Nelson Cruz, Josh Hamilton, Vladimir Guerrero, David Murphy, Ian Kinsler, Michael Young, and Elvis Andrus.  And these threats come from both sides of the plate.  And let us not forget that Josh Hamilton is currently showcasing why he is becoming one of the preeminent ballplayers in the league.  The Giants pitching staff will need to bring their best off-speed stuff to each and every game if they hope to keep Hamilton off the bases.

The Giants will not be able to keep Elvis Andrus off of the bases, at least not entirely, and their defense will need to be spectacular.  And unfortunately for the Giants, Chase Utley isn’t playing second base for the Rangers this time around.

The Texas Rangers win the World Series in an exciting 7-game series.

2010 World Series Preview Courtesy of Yours Truly is a post from: The Baseball Chick - Baseball News, Updates, Fantasy Advice, Rumors & Gossip

(Shin-Soo Choo, Just Because You're Not From America Doesn't Mean You Can't Be An American-Sized Pain-In-The-Ass)

In what is becoming a prevalent trend in professional sports, everyone wants to get the fuck out of Cleveland. Fast.

In fact, Indians right fielder Shin-Soo Choo told The Korea Times, “ As with other players, I also want to transfer to a team which wins more. If I could move to a better team, I could generate a better record and improve more.”

Perhaps Mr. Choo should have thought of that before the made a deal with Cleveland that leaves three years remaining on his contract.  But since Choo is eligible for arbitration this offseason, he will command more money. Expect his $461,000 salary to rise significantly.  With Choo’s significant contributions necessary for the lackluster Cleveland offense, the Indians will most certainly try and sign him to a long-term contract to make him happy.  Either that or Choo can return to Korea to serve his mandatory two years of military service as required by the Korean government.  Good times.

Since the situation in Korea is so fucking awesome right now, he should probably reconsider whether being stuck in the military in third world-esqe Korea is preferable to sitting his ass in dumpy Cleveland, getting paid a shit boat load of money, and playing for a mediocre to potentially quite horrendous ball club.

But like an abused wife, I think true Cleveland fans are now numb to the pain and suffering

Shin-Soo Choo Pulls “The LeBron” On Cleveland is a post from: The Baseball Chick - Baseball News, Updates, Fantasy Advice, Rumors & Gossip

(Tropicana Field, in all its glory)

The lack of attendance at home Tampa Bay Rays games is apparently getting under the skin of some of its star players. On a night the Tampa Bay Rays had a chance to clinch a playoff spot, only 12,446 fans – the fourth smallest crowd of the season – showed up at Tropicana Field.  And of that total, who knows how many were actually there to support the Rays.

Evan Longoria was quoted as saying “… You’d pretty much like to think that a team in a playoff hunt, with an opportunity to clinch, that you could at least get 30,000 in here to cheer you on…. We play 155 games of really good baseball, and it’s kind of like, what else do we have to do to get fans into this place? I mean, it’s actually embarrassing to us.”  Longoria, who has missed the last four games with an injury, said the lack of support is “disheartening.”

Moreover, pitcher David Price took to his Twitter account to proclaim, “Had a chance to clinch a post season spot tonight with about 10,000 fans in the stands … embarrassing.”

However, I have been to St. Petersburg (where the Tropicana Field is actually located) and I have to say, are Evan Longoria and David Price just trying to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for the largest gathering of derelicts in history? They should be happy there are only 12K there per night. Any more “fans” and they would have to enact Hepatitis testing upon entry into the ballpark.

Tropicana Field’s Ghost-Town Status Haunting Team is a post from: The Baseball Chick - Baseball News, Updates, Fantasy Advice, Rumors & Gossip