Milton Bradley: A Retrospective

In this past Saturday’s Arlington Heights Daily Herald, Milton Bradley responded to the question regarding whether he enjoyed this season with the Chicago Cubs as follows:
Not really. It’s just not a positive environment. I need a stable, healthy, enjoyable environment. There’s too many people everywhere in your face with a microphone asking the same questions repeatedly. Everything is just bashing you. You got out there and you play harder than anybody on the field and never get credit for it. It’s just negativity.
And you understand why they haven’t won in 100 years here, because it’s negative. That’s what it is.
Jim Hendry, the Cubs’ GM, responded by suspending Bradley for the remainder of the season. He also released a statement saying:
Recently it’s become intolerable to hear Milton talk about our great fans the way he has. We pride ourselves on having the greatest fans in baseball, so at this time we felt it was best for him to go home for the rest of the season.
While my initial reaction is to question Mr. Hendry on his definition of the “best fans in baseball,” I will move beyond that for now. I guess if a bunch of fat broads with no jobs sitting in the bleachers for weekday afternoon games wearing bikinis is the definition of quality baseball fans, then he has a very valid point. However, my intention at this point is to honor the irrational rage and arrogant genius that is, Mr. Milton Obelle Bradley, Jr. Milton Bradley, this is your life!
April 15, 1978: Milton Obelle Bradley, Jr. is born. His father, desirous of a “junior,” filled out the birth certificate without his wife’s permission.
May 10, 1985: Tragedy strikes, when someone unbeknownst to the young Mr. Bradley sneaks into the family home and shits in his cereal.
1986: Milton Bradley suffers humiliation when his classmates realize he was named after a popular board game pioneer.
1996: Milton is drafted by the Montreal Expos.
July 19, 2000: Milton makes his Major League debut of the Montreal Expos.
July 31, 2001: Milton is traded to the Cleveland Indians for Zach Day.
April 11, 2002: Right quadricep injury, day-to-day.
May 2, 2002: Eye Contusion, 15-day DL. (misses 29 games)
August 14, 2002: Appendicitis, 15-day DL.
April 18, 2003: Hamstring injury, day-to-day.
April 26, 2003: Strained right hamstring, 15-day DL.
August 15, 2003: Back injury, 15-day DL.
August 29, 2003: Misses 46 games to the end of the regular season (back injury).
April 2004: Milton is abruptly traded to the Dodgers following an altercation with Indians’ manager Eric Wedge during spring training.
2004 Season: Milton slams a plastic bottle at the feet of a fan at Dodger Stadium after someone threw it onto the field, which led to a 5 game suspension. He also earned a 4 game suspension for tossing a bag of balls onto the field after an ejection.
April 30, 2004: Ankle injury, day-to-day (misses 3 games).
May 31, 2004: Ankle injury, day-to-day (misses 2 games).
August 12, 2004: Hamstring, day-to-day (misses 1 game).
2005 Season: Milton feuds with Jeff Kent, accusing him of being racist. This seems to be a major catalyst in his trade from the team the following season.
June 3, 2005: Finger injury, 15-day DL.
July 23, 2005: Misses 47 games (finger injury).
August 23, 2005: Knee injury, day-to-day.
August 25, 2005: Torn left Patella Tendon, 15-day DL.
September 2, 2005: Transferred from the 15-day DL to the 60-day DL (torn left Patella Tendon).
2006 Season: Milton seemingly takes high doses of tranquilizers, which render him unable to publicly bitch and moan about the sorry, tragic life of a Major League baseball player.
May 7, 2006: Right knee injury, 15-day DL.
June 6, 2006: Misses 36 games (right knee injury).
June 20, 2006: Shoulder injury, 15-day DL.
August 30, 2006: Ankle injury, day-to-day (misses 1 game).
2007 Season: Milton carries on public disagreement with A’s GM Billy Beane. On June 21, 2007, the A’s designate him for assignment. He is acquired by the Padres 8 days later. They do not require him to pass a physical examination of any kind for fear he would fail it and go elsewhere. On September 23, 2007, Milton tore his right ACL while being restrained by Padres manager Bud Black during an argument with umpire Mike Winters. Bradley was accused of throwing a bat in another umpire’s direction during a previous at-bat. Winters used profanity towards Milton, Milton moved towards Winters, Milton was held back by Black and then Milton fell to the ground resulting in the injury. He missed the last week of the season as a result, and the Padres lost their lead in the division and failed to make the playoffs.
April 13, 2007: Hamstring, day-to-day (misses 6 games).
April 23, 2007: Hamstring, 15-day DL.
May 17, 2007: Hamstring, day-to-day (misses 4 games).
May 23, 2007: Hamstring, 15-day DL.
June 8, 2007: Calf injury, 15-day DL.
July 1, 2007: Oblique injury, 15-day DL.
August 4, 2007: Hamstring, day-to-day (misses 4 games)
September 11, 2007: Right oblique muscle strain, day-to-day. (misses 12 games)
September 24, 2007: Torn ACL, sidelined indefinitely.
2008 Season: Milton makes his first All-Star team as a DH while playing for the Texas Rangers. However, Bradley attempts to confront a Kansas City Royals’ announcer following a game after he believes negative comments were made about him on the air. After the Rangers’ manager and GM chase him down and stop him, Bradley returns to the clubhouse in tears.
May 1, 2008: Hamstring, day-to-day (misses 1 game).
May 13, 2008: Right shoulder injury, day-to-day (misses 2 games).
May 30, 2008: Dizziness, day-to-day (misses 1 game).
June 18, 2008: Quadricep injury, day-to-day (misses 2 games).
June 22, 2008: Strained left quadriceps, day-to-day (misses 1 game).
July 11, 2008: Left knee injury, day-to-day (misses 1 game).
July 30, 2008: Quadricep injury, day-to-day (misses 5 games).
August 5, 2008: Strained left quadriceps, day-to-day (misses 5 games).
August 16, 2008: Illness, day-to-day (misses 2 games).
September 6, 2008: Wrist injury, day-to-day (misses 2 games).
September 16, 2008: Left wrist injury, day-to-day (misses 2 games).
2009 Season: Milton signs a 3 year, $30 million deal with the Chicago Cubs. On April 16th, Milton is suspended for 2 games for making contact with an umpire. On June 13th, Milton throws a ball caught in left field into the stands with only 2 outs in the inning. He is also ordered to leave the dugout by Lou Piniella after he throws a tirade following a fly out. Piniella and Milton continue this argument in the locker room where “words” are exchanged.
April 13, 2009: Groin injury (misses 2 games).
April 17, 2009: Groin injury (misses 1 game).
April 23, 2009: Groin injury (misses 1 game).
April 25, 2009: Groin injury (misses 2 games).
June 3, 2009: Calf injury (misses 2 games).
August 14, 2009: Hip injury (misses 1 game).
September 9, 2009: Leg injury (misses 1 game).
This leads us to September 20, 2009, and his suspension for the remainder of the year. No one can ever say that Milton Bradley is inconsistent. He consistently is moved from team to team, while generally having decent production, an obscene amount of injuries, and a severe behavioral disorder.