The Baseball Chick

Jim Leyland was asked for his reaction to the David Ortiz steroid saga this weekend.  This is what he had to say:

“I don’t condone steroids or any other type of growth hormones or anything else, but I could care less, and, for the most part, I don’t think the fans give a (bleep). The people that care about it are the people that probably don’t like baseball.”

“Do we want to peck until we get every last name out? What’s the difference? I don’t condone any form of cheating, but I’m tired of press conferences about steroids. Who am I to judge? It’s none of my business.”

“I’m not trying to prove (baseball) innocent. We’ve made some mistakes. The worst era in baseball was when guys were found guilty of using cocaine and other (bleep) because they could’ve gone out there and hurt someone.”

Thank you wise old man!  This is now my favorite geezer since Santa Claus.  My favorite old guy used to be Morgan Freeman until I found out he was bangin’ his step-granddaughter.  But I digress…

The media is really trying to push the idea that steroids and other performance-enhancers are irrevocably damaging the relationship between the fan and their teams.  This constant bombardment of stories regarding new players and new allegations is trying to tell us that, yes, this information really MATTERS to us.  And while I too do not appreciate nor condone professional athletes creating legends built on some degree of lies, I am not naive enough to think performance enhancer usage is some new, controversial phenomenon.

As early as the 1960s, it became clear that professional athletes of all sorts, including Olympians, were utilizing amphetamines (“pep pills”), tranquilizers, cocaine and other drugs in elite sports in order to gain some sort of edge in competition.  However, the definition of cheating has changed throughout history. Today’s athletes use air-inflated soles on their spikes, they run on fast artificial surfaces and they wear aerodynamic body suits. Moreover, even training in many instances was considered cheating in the early nineteenth century.

I guess the question is, does the media simply have the wrong idea in thinking baseball’s fans care so deeply for this issue or is the media intent on making us care?  The fact of the matter is that after all is said and done, the Mannys and the A-Rods of the world go back to the cheers of millions.  Maybe the everyman baseball fan just has an understanding of the situation that the media will never allow itself to have: “cheating”, by some definition, will always exist. 

I know that if my entire livelihood and success depended on it, I’d gladly take a needle in the butt!

I’m so glad Josh Hamilton got clean and decided to spread the word of Jesus Christ.  God must have told him that he should stop being such a pussy and have a drink.  I mean, everytime I take a drink it’s because God told me to.  Him and the little boy Tony who lives in my finger…

Not only did Albert Pujols go 3-5 tonight in the Cardinals’ 6-4 victory over the Pirates, but then in the 7th inning he saved an old man’s life just for kicks.

He then wiped the sweat from his brow, touched the kid in the first row and he magically didn’t have downs syndrome anymore.  After the game, he turned the clubhouse Gatorade into wine.  His will be done.  Amen.

Bronson Arroyo told the Boston Herald that he used both androstenedione and amphetamines back in the early 2000s.  Both substances were allowed by MLB at the time he was taking them, but have since been banned.  According to Bronson:

“Before 2004, none of us paid any attention to anything we took.  Andro made me feel great, I felt like a monster. I felt like I could jump and hit my head on the basketball rim.”

Another side-effect of steroids and performance-enhancing drugs: douchey hair growth.  Tragic.  Too bad steroids can’t make you stop thinking people want to hear your stupid band.  He released an album called Covering the Bases.  You can’t make that shit up…

That must be one troublesome poop.

The Padres released Mark Prior.  A little slice of heaven if you love watching people get injured, Mr. Prior hasn’t thrown since April due to discomfort in his shoulder.  He also has not appeared in a major league game since August of 2006.  Considered a future superstar, he finished third in the National League’s 2003 Cy Young Award voting with an 18-6 record for the Chicago Cubs.  Already no stranger to injury, he then developed into a Hall of Fame member of the Disabled List.  Here is a brief injury summary:

Season-ending hamstring strain from running bases (Sept 2002); shoulder injury from on-field collision (2003); achilles tendon injury (2004); elbow strain (2005); compression fracture of pitching elbow from being hit by a line drive (2005); strained shoulder (2006); strained left oblique muscle from batting practice (2006); shoulder tendonitis (Aug 2006); season-ending shoulder surgery (2007); torn capsule in pitching shoulder (May 2008)

Many have criticized Prior’s pitching mechanics, specifically his arm action, with having crippled his career.  I would also like to suggest the common steroids argument.  His velocity has been down since the MLB enacted tougher policies, and it would also seem to explain some of his more freak arm injuries.  If you look at newer pictures, his muscles even seem to be much smaller.  Ultimately, however, I think the nail in the coffin came on September 17, 2003, when I cursed Mark Prior and his arm during a drunken post-party rant.  Since then, I’ve gone all The Craft on everyone’s asses.